Monday, November 09, 2015

Sunday Morning Comin' Down

"Turning Dog Shit Into Gold" Edition.

First, a quick refresher on your favorite cult and mine, the Tribe That Rubs Shit In Their Hair:
Longtime readers know that "The Tribe That Rubs Shit In Their Hair" is my shorthand for inbred Conservative meatsticks who have wallowed in wingnut Hate Radio racist dung and Fox News Liberal Conspiracy claptrap for so long that is has become the quotidian argot of their wretched lives.  It is their tavern-talk -- their worst, paranoid delusions, externalized, validated, tarted up as The Unvarnished Truth and then regurgitated back to them by ghouls and treason-mongers like Sean Hannity and Bill O'Reilly... which are, in turn, passed around again like so many fish stories, getting bigger and wilder and truthier with each iteration.    It is the shit they eagerly rub in their hair -- the shit which, year after year, they sculpt into ever more elaborate pompadours because everyone else in their dingy, lightless corner of Universe is doing it and they lost their sense of smell 40 years ago.

They preen over each other. They are happy in each other's company. They praise each other on the little, individual touches with which they have customized their Shitheap Toupees -- an extra layer of Benghaaaazi, perhaps, appliqued over something something the New Black Panther Party because ACORN!.

And all is right with the world...right up until they leave the cocoon of their Wingnut Pig Sty and step into the normal world, where they are Shocked!Shocked! that ordinary people flee from them in horror.
I mention this in because I am very lazy and it spares me typing new stuff and because there are many professionals in our Great American Media who seem baffled by the fact that Dr. Ben Spacey continues the float dirigibly above every other Republican candidate except Donald Trump.  I, in turn, am baffled by their bafflement, because in so very many ways, Dr. Ben is the Kwisatz Haderach of the Tribe That Rubs Shit In Its Hair.

The prophet and savior for whom they have waited for so long.

Mental Ben is a doctor who rejects science.  A black man who drops wildly inappropriate Nazi and slavery references as casually and frequently as Trump drop the word "Yoooge".  A leading Republican candidate for President of the United States who cannot tell you how the deficit works.  Or the debt.  Or the difference between them. He cannot tell you how foreign policy works, or who the players are in the various interlocking quagmires into which we have waded up to our knees.  He doesn't understand how our government works, how a bill becomes a law, or how the enactment and enforcement of that law gets paid for.

But he can recite -- chapter, verse and footnote, passionately and verbatim -- every single debunked, ALL CAPS fucked-in-the-head wingnut/birther conspiracy theory your Crazy Uncle Liberty ever forwarded along to you on the email machine:

Mental Ben whines like a diaper baby and lashes out when reporters ask him basic questions about the only extant documentary evidence of his life and thoughts -- his own biography, written by him, which is sitting in large piles right next him because he is currently on a time-out from his campaign for president so that he can hawk copies of that book.

Yes, according to Mental Ben, reporters asking questions about his book Out Herod's Herod!

From Brother Pierce:
The show began with Chris Jansing's sitdown with Dr. Ben (The Blade) Carson, who is a gifted neurosurgeon, a remarkable American success story, and an outright nut. The topic was the many leaks that have sprung in Carson's retelling of his remarkable American success story. A sample follows:​
CARSON: No, not like this. I have never seen this before. And many other people who are politically experienced tell me they've never seen it before either.

JANSING: You don't think that Bill Clinton or the president with his birth certificate, people who still--
CARSON: No, not like this.

JANSING: Refuse to believe?

CARSON: Not even close.

JANSING: So what do you think is going on? Why you?

CARSON: Because I'm a threat.


CARSON: To the progressives, the secular progressive movement in this country. I'm a very big threat because they can look at the polling data and they can see that I'm the candidate who's most likely to be able to beat Hillary Clinton. They see that.

JANSING: Is this fun for you?

CARSON: Would I have preferred to be doing something else? Certainly. But it is important to me. And when I think about the sacrifices that were made by those who preceded us in order that we might have the freedom that we have now, it's the very least that I can do.
​Unconvincing denials followed by ahistorical bunkum—Bill Clinton was accused by sensible people of having inconvenient witnesses and his political opponents murdered. Let Carson say "not like this" to the family of Vince Foster.—topped off by the vainglorious hammering of nails into one's own palms. Ben Carson: Blood sacrifice in the cause of fantasy economics and the defeat of imaginary political demons. Who the fck is this guy when he's at home?
But he did become an instant Hate/Radio Fox News Favorite for spitting in Kenyan Usurper's eye at the National Prayer Breakfast in 2013.

In other words, Mental Ben is the perfect cask-strength distillation of every animating characteristic of the Tribe That Rubs Shit In Their Hair.  And the rest of the Republican field is not far behind and racing like mad to catch up.  

Unsurprisingly, this has caused all the usual media suspects to react in all the usual ways...

On "This Week...", Beltway Media employee Maggie Haberman shook her head incredulously...
Haberman (not actual quote): :  No I don't think lying will hurt Ben Carson because we've finally reached a place in our politics where Republicans openly and proudly will tell you that they are done pretending to give a fuck about the truth anymore, And DonaldTrump has shown the way -- saying things that are demonstrably shoutycrackers bullshit and it doesn't seem to matter.
While the Wingnut Media looked upon the fruits of their 30 year Long War Against Reality and were pleased at their good work:
Rich Lowry (actual quote): I know.  It's like  We've learned in this Republican race that media coverage is extremely important and a negative media coverage of a certain type is like gold for these candidates. And this coverage has been so disproportionate, he should have been more precise; some of the things he said in his book.  But to most Republicans, it's going to feel like a campaign character assassination...

Alex Castellanos (not actual quote):  Bwahahaha!  Ted Cruz rocked the place in the last debate when he went after the Librul Media Conspiracy and now Mental Ben has a golden ticket to do the same.   Hell, without the myth of the Librul Media Conspiracy to lean on, I'd be upselling undercoating packages at Shaky Mel's House of Previously Owned Vehicles instead of appearing on national teevee.  Thanks Lee Atwater!

Lee Atwater in Hell (not actual quote):  Respect!  You and Rich and all my other bastard kids have done an amazing job re-invested my legacy over and over again and turning the Party of That Sumbitch Lincoln into an unstoppable army of angry, pig-ignorant hillbillies.  
Meanwhile, a little ways down the dial, Beltway Media figurehead, Shuck Todd, was Habermanning his own incredulity at Carly Fiorina's saying she doesn't need to show Shuck no stinkin' badges!
Candidates for office often present detailed plans that offer a framework of their goals if they win. Republican presidential candidate Carly Fiorina, when asked about the lack of an issues page and detailed tax plan on her campaign website, saw it d

ifferently. "How often do these get enacted? Never," she said on NBC's "Meet the Press."

"That's the problem. Politicians put out detailed plans for all kinds of things that never happen."

Instead, Fiorina offers an "Answers" page on her website, allowing visitors to submit questions on various issues, which she answers through her appearances on the campaign trail. She explained that her remarks to voters hold her more accountable than a written plan.

"Anybody can write a plan. Anybody can put a plan on a website," she said.
Poor Shuck Todd. Having spent his professional life ignoring Tom Wait's most important piece of horticultural advice ( "Never let the weeds get higher than the garden") like the rest of his Beltway friends, he now shocked!shocked! to find his garden overrun by gloating liars and meatheads who treat any concern for basic factual reality as unscrupulous PC "Gotcha" backstabbery by the Dirty Hippie Commie Media.

In other words, the Party of Lincoln is now, finally, out and proud as Tribe That Rubs Shit In Its Hair because the plutocrats, con men and demagogues who run the freak show have found a way to turn that shit into gold:


Niccki said...

The rubbing shit in their hair certainly explains the pathetic hairstyles of Cruz, Rubio and Gowdy but I'm not really sure about Cruz's eyeliner which has mysteriously appeared.
As for Dr. Carson (and I give him the title loosely) thank the good lord he is no longer in practice. I've had much pleasure watching him stomp his feet like a five year old all weekend. Fits in really well with most of the rest of them. The only one of his stories that I remotely believe is the hitting his mother, because every interview he has done lately with women he has gotten very nasty!

Robt said...

If there is one example for rubbing shit in the hair. It is Prsident Obama.

How did Obama attain victory over McCain/Palin? Romney/Eddie Munster?

The FOX bubble of Sour Kruathammer, Hannity, their radio dispatchers as Rush and Alex Jones have been developing the empty minds full of mush into the Dittoheads with shit in there hair for so long. All those minions.

The shit rubber in chief of the RNC and all the billionaire consultants figure
the likes of Carson and Trump are the exceptional superior images to oppose what they have concluded the image of Obama is to the nation.
Their opinion of Obama has ingrain the of Murdoch derangement syndrome. That not only rubbing shit in the hair in the Bubble but, wrapping oneself in American Flag printed Bubble pack, Carrying to cross of persecution by the media.

trgahan said...

“....because the plutocrats, con men and demagogues who run the
freak show have found a way to turn that shit into gold.”

One thing Democrats/liberals/progressives need to learn fast is something I think the conservative plutocrats, con men, and demagogues figured a while ago, but confirmed 2009-2010. They don’t need the White House to control the nation.

Conservatives still control two-thirds of the elected offices in this country and have the Supreme Court on their side. The media that matters is either in their pocket or so neutered as to never be a threat. The less the Tribe that Rubs Shit in its Hair gets what it demands, the more convinced it is that all the Right Wing Bullshit is true. And it comes out to vote for the next talking point spouting con man who promises to be “true conservative.”

A Clinton victory will give Republicans nothing but MORE electoral victories at every other level of government as their base keeps turning out the Rage Vote while everyone else stays home.

All the while the stock market has doubled, taxes are evaded, regulations have shrank, services are cut or privatized, environmental protections are unenforced, and 99% of us wrestle over the same 10% of the nations wealth while agreeing it is all because we're just lazy, bad at time management, and/or morally deficient.

John Taylor said...

Of course Fiorina won't present a plan to reform the tax code. Because if she did it would be a pack of lies, so there's no point.

bowtiejack said...


A friend of mine was referred by her doctor to the unit he ran at Johns Hopkins. After several appointments were fouled up, her medical records lost and finally they denied she had ever been referred in the first place, she fled thanking her lucky stars she hadn't gotten treatment. So we're asked to put a guy who couldn't run his own practice in charge of the whole government?

Kathleen O'Neill said...


" So we're asked to put a guy who couldn't run his own practice in charge of the whole government".

Yes we are because 'Muricans are fed up with politicians and government which is why they love Trump and Carson. I know because I heard Chuck Todd say that.

Speaking of Toddler, Trump referred to his friend Lee Atwater as a "good guy" during his phone "interview" with Chuckles. Chuck did not question how the man who leveraged bigotry, hatred, fear and racism into a profitable cottage industry could be characterized as a "good guy" but but in all fairness he was too busy administering kitty kisses to Trump to summon a response.

dinthebeast said...

Now they're just trolling you, Driftglass. Here's one who's threatening to rub shit all over his body...

-Doug in Oakland

Kevin Holsinger said...

Good morning, Mr. Glass.

So since you already Photoshopped Mr. Cruz as Joker a while back for his "do I really look like a guy with a plan" attitude, might I suggest Ms. Fiorina as Harley Quinn?

Be seeing you.

New_Damage said...

Assuming Uncle Ben = Kwisatz Haderach, this implies that (in the republicans’ alternate universe)…

Republican Party Rank and File = House Atreides

Republican Candidates and Delegates = Fremen

Democratic Party = House Harkonnen

The Corporate Press = House Corrino

Reince Priebus = Duke Leto

Howard Dean = Baron Vladimir Harkonnen

Koch Brothers, Inc. = Bene Gesserit (Though I couldn’t say which one is the Lady Jessica and which the Reverend Mother Gaius Helen Mohiam.)

Rush Limbaugh = Padishah Emperor Shaddam IV

Maria Bartiromo = Princess Irulan

Wall Street = Combine Honnete Ober Advancer Mercantiles (CHOAM)

$$$ = Melange

Donald Trump = Jamis

BillO = Stilgar

Bernie Sanders = Feyd-Rautha Harkonnen

Hillary Clinton = Beast Rabban

Wayne LaPierre = Gurney Halleck

Ronald Reagan = Duncan Idaho

Sarah Palin = Chani

A person as yet unknown who will facilitate the Duke’s downfall = Dr. Wellington Yueh

Karl Rove = Thufir Hawat

David Axelrod = Piter De Vries

“Abortionists” = Bene Tleilax

Diebold = IX

Open Carriers = Sardaukar

The 1% (other than Kochs) = The Spacing Guild (“The Spice must flow.”)

Thorazine = The Water of Life

And finally…

David Brooks = Count Hasimir Fenring

I’d like to go on, but Dune offers too many analogues, and it’s time for bed.

Cheers, DG.