So what does The Righteous Brothers' 1963 hit have to do with tonight's penultimate episode of True Detective?
Not a thing. Not a damn thing.
But it got you here, didn't it? Got you to look?
And that has apparently been the point all along: just random shit to make you look.
So here's what you missed tonight.
Two characters stare at each other for an hour and exchange grunty syllables. Then they make the beast with two backs and
perhaps teach us all an important lesson about sharing and we get to see Rachel McAdams' butt cleavage.
Two characters do a call-and-response of names from the Greater Vinci Area white pages.
It's also cop family discount night at cheap motels across the Greater Vinci Area.
Jesus, again with fucking the diamonds. And also too, entirely different diamonds because things are not confusing enough. Also a Hasidic diamond merchant we have never met (but who some other guy we have never met vouches for) is no involved because reasons.
And speaking of characters we have barely met before, suddenly the Chief of Police -- who has spent the entire series working hard to no impression whatsoever -- is at the vital center of All That Had Gone Before.
See, one of our characters walks into an Obvious Trap but that's OK because other reasons. He calls from the scene of the Obvious Trap to give another character information which renders the bait for Obvious Trap moot...but walks right into it anyway.
Our character is then walked though conveniently deserted subway hallways and tunnels where the the Chief of Police Reveals Important Scheme Details to our now-unarmed character just before dispatching him. Oh no!
Now is it possible that at some point over the last six episodes the Chief of Police has made some subtle, sinister moves to suggest why he is a Gas Giant around whom a substantial chunk of plot now suddenly orbits.
But I don't remember it, and anyway, I'm watching a fucking teevee show here, not prepping for a quiz on "Ulysses".
Our character has just pulled some sweet John Carter/ninja moves and disarmed the Chief of Police, taken him hostage, and used that leverage to force his henchmen to disarm.
It seems that rather than rounding up all the now gun-free henchmen, collecting their arsenal and marching them all back out (or, at a minimum, circle-cuffing the lot of them around one of the subway pillars and then making his escape) our character instead punches out the Chief of Police and flees down the tunnels, allowing all the henchmen to re-strap themselves and give chase.
After running around in the the tunnels in the dark and shooting at cops (or are they defense contractors?) who are too fucking stupid to turn off their "Please aim at my big, bright light and shoot" flashlights, all the henchmen are out of the picture.
Our character is now free to find a ladder and then do some more running and then emerge...
...through the one and only doorway in the entire Los Angeles subways system behind which an even more nefarious henchman is waiting.
With a gun!
With a gun!
Also the missing girl upon whom several other slabs of plot have been pivoting was never missing and the Sylvia Plath bar and Grill was closed for repairs this week.
Hope it wasn't a gas leak.
Now look me in the eyes. I wanna watch your lights go out.