Monday, June 15, 2015

Early Draft Of Jeb's! Speech Leaked


Mere reality is not a thing up with which the Bush Family has ever had to put.

Honest to god, if you listened to the speech, which was written very well and delivered with the kind of smug WASP brio that so often eluded that chap who Jeb (!) bumped into back in the Aughts, you would believe that history began in January of 2009. He did make a little wink and a nod to the "first president I met on the day I was born, and the second one I met on the day I came home." But, beyond that, you'd have thought he was found in a basket in the bullrushes along the banks of the Kennebec River.
The idea that any discussion of any non-Imaginary Reagan-based events which may or have occurred before January 20, 2009 is illegitimate has become absolutely axiomatic among the Common Clay of the New Republican Party; a 12th Republican Commandment handed down (it is rumored) from Mount Reagan by Ronald Reagan Himself (Reagan be His name) on or about 12:00 EST on January 20, 2009. Be advised that any modifications, changes or unauthorized uses of this Commandment voids your warranty and may result in you being RINO-ed out of the Party of Lincoln.

Jeb's quest to be the guy Hillary stomps to aspic in 2016 has begun well by implicitly promising to continue the most important Republican policy of all: absolving the Republican rank-and-file of any responsibility for any of the ruinous insanity their party has been up to for the past +30 years.


4 comments:

Kathleen O'Neill said...

Jeb! should have jazz hands to the left and right of his name!

MedicineMan55 said...

So basically Jeb is the Ahor Azai of the Republican Party? Yeah, that tracks.

Jerry B said...

Basically he gave the typical Trump 'I'm awesome as hell and all the rest of you schmucks are idiots. What a putz.

Neo Tuxedo said...

Basically he gave the typical Trump 'I'm the greatest fucker here! And you sniveling shits would die without me!'

Fixed that for you, Jerry. :)