Thursday, April 02, 2015

10 Years After: 2007 -- Why The Fuck Does Bill Kristol Still Exist?

The 10th blogiversary fundraiser continues with the Year of Our Lord 2007.

It turns out, the Dirty Hippies have been wondering loudly how a straight-up liar and smirking, blood-drunk psychopath like Bill Kristol is permitted anywhere near a microphone or camera for a very long time.

To date, almost no one America's elite political-media complex has had the balls to even ask (much less answer) such a staggeringly obvious question (from July, 2007):
Leave the Cannoli.

Take the Al-Qaeda

There is something about that “No Civil War” meme that Bill “Pennywise” Kristol...

(h/t Think Progress)
We’re not in a civil war. This is just not true. American troops are attacking al Qaeda. They’re attacking some elements of the Shi’a militias. They’re doing other things, helping with reconciliation. They are not in the middle of a civil war. It’s not true.
...and the rest of the slaughterporn junkies and rightard baby ducks have been pushing that intrigues me.

I mean, it’s such a blatant and homicidal lie – the lie of a man caught chest deep in body parts and gore with a machete in his hand, screaming, “What blood? What are you talking about?” – that it is sort of breathtaking.

And yet “reputable” news organization keep putting cameras in front of this assassin and asking for his opinion on things as if he weren’t right out of his fucking mind. Keep shoving money into the claws of this smirking butcher and asking him to write columns for “serious” papers and magazines on matters about which he has been 100% wrong, every time, forever.

But once the vertigo that came from realizing what the presence of Bill Kristol as a “serious” commenter signifies about the sheer magnitude of the failure and complicity of the media passed I got to wondering: If there is no Civil War in Iraq, how’s come we need to stay even one more minute?

If there is no Civil War in Iraq, how’s come we need to worry about Al-Qaeda’s Iraq Outlet Mall at all?

No Civil War would mean that Iraq must be a non-Civil-War-waging member of the brotherhood of nations, every bit as motivated to wipe out this small but pernicious threat in their midst as we would be if Al-Qaeda were evildoing in, say, Florida? (OK, bad example.)

On the other hand, if there is no Civil War in Iraq and they want Al-Qaeda there, then, wow, that’s kind bad, huh? I mean doesn’t that mean that we’d have to re-re-re-re-re-invade? Be re-re-re-re-re-welcomed as liberators?

Be re-re-re-re-re-re-strewn with candy and flowers (M&Ms and plastic roses this time; as we learned in the second annual “Mission Accomplished” Victory Parade through George W. Bush square in downtown Baghdad, the heat played Hob with bon bons and those fragrant Improvised Evening-primrose Decorations they lobbed last time.)

Don’t we have to re-re-re-re-shock-n-awe them?

Re-re-re-re-depose an Evil Iraqi Government that countenances such alliances (and that we spilled such an awful lot of blood and treasure to elect)?

Re-re-re-re-destroy their infrastructure?

Re-re-re-re-bring them to their knees?

Re-re-re-re-distribute the pots of blue ink so that they can re-re-re-re-elect a newer-er-er government run by better men?

That is, of course, unless the situation in Iraq actually is a Civil War

A pile…a heap…a fucking ziggurat of Pan-Civil War Cannoli.

Each one mashed into the next.

Each one stuffed with different, fractious flavors of ethnic, tribal, familiar, religious, doctrinal, regional, political and economic grudges.

All drizzled with oil and rage, scalded by being occupied by an unwelcome Western power, and baking in the desert sun.

With a light dusting of Al-Qaeda.

Because in order for them to preserve the last rags and tatters of their epic, murderous, Crusader Delusion, from the safety of their Mommy’s basement on the other side of the Earth, that is precisely the task Bill Kristol and the entire 101st Chairborne hysterically demands that our military perform: Delicately teasing apart the powdered sugar from the rest of the mountain of burning confection using the blunt instruments of Abrams tanks and Apache helicopters.

So if there is a Civil War, then we should leave, because there is no way for us to referee such a thing.

But if there is no Civil War, and therefore no looming threat of massive, pitched and Civil-War-like bloodshed if we leave, then the Iraqis have obviously “Stood up”.

And it is time for us to stand down and go home.

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