Sunday, April 20, 2014

Sunday Morning Comin' Down -- UPDATE

"David Brooks Talks To America's Kids About Manhood" Edition.

Oh my goodness.

From Think Progress:
New York Times’ David Brooks Says Obama Has ‘A Manhood Problem In The Middle East’
Sounds exactly like a guy who just had his balls sawed off and fed to the dogs in a divorce.

Of course, on the one hand, I'm just speculating wildly without any actual evidence to support my assertion (after all, we all know Mr. Brooks lost his balls in a tragic Jewels of Nuance dancing accident years ago.).  On the other hand, "speculating wildly without any actual evidence" makes me every bit as qualified as David Brooks to have a column-for-life in the New York Times and a chair held out for me in perpetuity on Meet the Press.  More qualified, actually, since unlike Mr. Brooks, I have not been completely fucking wrong about everything for the last 30 years.

But, as it turns out, I do not have a column in the NYT, or permanent seat at NBC or NPR or PBS where I am free to urinate my horrible opinions onto millions of people without the slightest risk of those horrible opinions ever be challenged in any serious way.  What I do have are two writing assignments that suddenly fell into my lap a few days ago after a long drought.  They're both technical, large and complex. Both have non-negotiable deadlines of tomorrow.  One is on-spec and might/maybe/could possibly lead to something; the other  is a contract gig where I will be paid a small quantity of actual money if I finish on time with every box checked, budgeted dollar nailed down, chart finished and so forth.  The people who hired me are already slammed and simply could not handle it in-house, so...
  1. Welcome to the new economy!  And, 
  2. I am extremely grateful for the work.
However before I vanish back into the cave with 20 gallon I.V. bag of coffee, let me just say that, over in the Better Universe, someone who shit the bed as publicly as David Brooks on the subjects of virility, Commander Codpiece and Operation Endless Clusterfuck -- someone who had so recently and unequivocally proven to know as little about war and peace and manhood as a two-ton block of lead knows about buoyancy -- would know enough to shut the fuck up about all of that forever.

But over in this Universe it is a well established fact that the penalty for Neocon pundits who get everything grotesquely and public wrong is precisely zero.  Well, zero plus the occasional promotion, TED talk and Award for Civility.

And until we find a reliable method of publicly shaming people like David Brooks, this is how we will continue to roll.

Back to the cave.
Wish me luck.

PS.  Thanks to Brother Charlie Pierce for the link!


I had not realized that the Conservative David Brooks had ditch-drowned yet another of his Movement's bastard children. (h/t Heather at Crooks and Liars):
David Brooks Calls Antigovernment Extremists At Bundy Ranch 'Politically Un-Ideological'

It looks like Bobo and Dana Milbank were reading the exact same set of talking points, with both of them claiming that this protest in no way is representative of a rebirth of the militia movement. Brooks wants us to believe these people only engaged in "pseudo-militia activity" and that they're "otherwise politically un-ideological." I would beg to differ.

Longtime readers know that this is not David Brooks' first after-hours trip to the political abortion clinic.

Not by a damn sight.

From me in 2011...
Well Into Their 117th Trimesters 
David Brooks and David Frum both suddenly decide they really don't want to keep Reagan's baby.

Earlier today Mr. Brooks placed his order for a political D&C through pursed-lips and a frowny face by rewriting Reality's Timeline so that he was somehow never a part of the 30-year lead-up to the Giant Pig Party Implosion at the end of the Empire we see bearing monstrous fruit all around us.

Mr. Frum, more comically, decided instead to pretend that the person most responsible for the Giant Pig Party Implosion at the end of the Empire...was the Reasonable-to-a-Fault Democratic President! Because he has so far failed to put Frum's Republican Party down like the sick animal that it is, and failed to clean up the toxic partisan sewer that David Frum helped create..despite Mr. Frum and every other Conservative douchebag in America being warned to beware just exactly these consequences for the last 30 years by two generations of Liberals...

UPDATE II:  Welcome Esquire readers! 


Anonymous said...

Knockem dead, DG. You're due some good news for a change.


zombie rotten mcdonald said...


Kathleen said...

Congratulations and good luck, Driftglass!

Capt. Bat Guano said...

On the other hand, "speculating wildly without any actual evidence" makes me every bit as qualified as David Brooks to have a column-for-life in the New York Times and a chair held out for me in perpetuity on Meet the Press.

By that standard you would be in direct competition with the likes of Louie Gohmert.

Congrats on getting some work, I'm sure you'll knock it out of the park.

Anonymous said...

Good luck with your work.
I would pay good money to see the President solve his "manhood problem", by kicking that dough faced
war mongering pussys lily white ass up and down fifth ave. a few times.
Sorry, but these dog whistle allusions are bad enough coming from blowhards like Billo. When effete privileged little girls like Bobo start up with them, then poundings are in order.

dinthebeast said...

Good luck and about fucking time...

-Doug in Oakland

Unsalted Sinner said...

"More qualified, actually, since unlike Mr. Brooks, I have not been completely fucking wrong about everything for the last 30 years."

That's not a qualification, it's a disqualifying weakness. People like Greggers don't want to be surrounded by people who were right when they were wrong. If you want to be on MTP, you're going to have to learn to suck up and be stupid. Ask a prostitute for advice.

Anonymous said...

Break a leg, DG.

Anonymous said...

It'll be brilliant. Ya got the gift.

drbopperthp said...

Show you the money Drifty!!!

deistpaladin said...

I keep hearing these neocons bemoaning our president's "weakness" on foreign policy issues. What more do they want? He killed Bin Laden, got rid of Quadaffy in Libya (not sure of the spelling of his name, sorry), expanded the war in Afghanistan, expanded drone strikes, how much more muscle-flexing do you guys want?
The other point that I wonder about with neocon rhetoric is how can they say these two things at the same time? :
1. Obama is a brutal, iron-fisted tyrant who a huge threat to our freedoms because he's coming for our guns so he can gay marry us and send us to FEMA camps, or something like that.
2. Obama is a weak president who shows weak weakness all over the world with his weak-kneed foreign policy and his weak mom jeans which he weakly wears every week.
Remember, it was 10 years ago that we were told that John Kerry was a flip-flopping ideological wishy-washy left-wing fanatic.

Marion in Savannah said...

Leave poor, poor Bobo ALOOONE.... (At this point even Moral Hazard is avoiding him.)

And best wishes for huge success.

dinthebeast said...

Manhood problem? As in perhaps if we called it something other than manHOOD, men would be less likely to blind themselves with it?

-Doug in Oakland

Comradde PhysioProffe said...

Enjoy your writing projects!

I saw Brooks in a restaurant the other day pontificating to a rapt table of undergrads, and it nearly took me off my feed.

Unknown said...

I hope that in said restaurant, or any other public facility, persons of color, be they waiters, bellhops, cabdrivers or the like, should vigorously refuse to serve asshole Brooks.

In addition, I hope that a bunch of gang bangers (Billos worst nightmares) kick Brooks' ass.

Even Miss Lindsay Graham doesn't say this sh*t, because he has a lot of African American constituents to face. What a fuck.

Robt. E said...

First time to the Blog and I find out Bluegal is absolutely accurate of the irritation the David Brooks itch you find yourself scratching.

I assume you tried a flea collar?
How about lotions?
None of them have worked for me either.
I think Brooks was one of those aliens in "They Live" When he has the mind control signal off, you see him as his nonhuman self.

Just thinking,
you have said on the podcast, that blogging is going to make a come back.

Perhaps I can chip in the return?

You may have to do something about the Extera-Nebulous Qurillian spelling I must copy into the "prove your a human box"

Anonymous said...

At Psychology Today's website:

Redhand said...

Good luck on the writing assignment: what you do best and all that, to be sure. As to Brooks, he's beginning to be one of those whose face provokes an instant gag reflex in me, like Mitch McConnell, Eric Cantor, Rand Paul, Paul Ryan, Pat Buchanan ad nausiam.

A "manhood problem". What The Fuck does that even mean? Diplomatic erectile dysfunction? The big head thinking instead of the little head when it comes to charging in and blowing shit up, like W? How come no big wet sloppy kisses for Bibi? What, exactly, do you mean, Bobo, other than that it's a nice ad hominem attack, signifying nothing?

Eff you Brooks.

JustRuss said...

I feel for those poor ideologically neutral Bundy rancheros. If only there were a political party to represent tax-hating country folk who find most activities of the federal government, especially under the current administration, illegitimate.

steeve said...

"I saw Brooks in a restaurant the other day pontificating to a rapt table of undergrads"

They're (hopefully) all faking it, and they might each think they're the only one faking it.

If your job is to find a guy leaking clout and stay with him, there's no easier mark than an idiot who boasts about how humble he is.

Frank Stone said...

"Pseudo-militia activity". Right.

Remember, boys and girls: It's not terrorism unless brown people are doing it.

marindenver said...

Wow, two gigs out of the blue! (Well, OK, I'm assuming they're not actually unsought for but too cool that you got them!) Just hope, hope, hope that you can keep the blog going too. And pls to keep receiving my small pittance every month until you too have vast spaces for entertaining. But NOT until I get to be entertained there. ;-)

P.S. Brooksie is an asshole. Always has been, always will be.

MCPlanck said...

David Brooks is one of the great wonders of the world. Every week I wonder how he can possibly get any lower, and every week he surprises me.

Anonymous said...

I couldn't imagine a person less qualified to give advice on manhood than David Brooks -- it's almost self-parody.

Anyway, good luck and I hope the gigs lead to bigger and better ones.

Anonymous said...

Knock 'em dead, Drifty. Best of luck, and keep us posted.

Keep up the great work, sir!

Anonymous said...

Good luck with the projects, Driftglass.

--Nonny Mouse