Sunday, July 28, 2013

Sunday Morning Comin' Down

Has been temporarily suspended at the request of my paymasters in the White House.

As longtime readers know, in the five years since I was laid off from my last full time job, my main source of income has been a regular "Loyalty Stipends" from the White House, which arrives every seven days via messenger shortly after my fax machine spits out a list of Administration talking points which I am supposed to subtly emphasize that week.

My directive this week?

Well, knowing that David Gregory's massive glass jaw is being held together with Post-It signature flags and ammonium nitrate, the Administration is fearful that one more of my devastating, award-ready dissertations on the kind of ludicrously slanted panel discussion Mr. Gregory staged today -- one more commentary on the umpteenth special pleading by Wall Street hacks to keep their industry unfettered by regulation that Mr. Gregory let sail past unrebutted... the umpteenth assertion that all the economy really needs is more corporate tax cuts, more fracking and Build the Dang Pipeline... the umpteenth recitation of the Centrist Creed that at least 50% of the gridlock in Washington is caused by Barack Obama being a "good Liberal Democrat" who just "needs to move more to the Center"... the umpteenth repetition by Harold Ford Junior that it's OK for him to knife Liberals in the back over and over again because "he's on [our] team" -- might just blow his career to flinders.

Or, as the White House fax put it, "One more post of this type risks dropping Mr. Gregory like a steer on the stun line" which is why the White House would "appreciate your laying off the poor bastard for awhile."

And since I have big plans to buy food sometime in the next few days, all I can say is:


D. said...

Ah, those pungent Chicago similes!

Carmelo Clandestine said...

Actually, Drifty, I don't think for a minute you're getting paid to shill for the Dinocratic wing of the Property Party.

This makes your doing it all the more baffling.


BTW, I'm changing my name yet again--Hamfast Ruddyneck no longer. I liked my name from the "Carlos Danger Name Generator" so well, I decided to use that name on all political blogs.

Anonymous said...

Unfortunately, and for 6 years now, my "Loyalty Stipends" have been the victim of what was first blamed on a "postal snafu".

Something to do with funding carrier's pensions until the Star Trek timeline becomes real.

Now having modernized and set up direct deposit, apparently something called the "sequester" has thrown a monkey wrench in the works.

....but that ancient fax machine keeps beeping and whirring away....

Most days, I just ignore it and go with the opposite of whatever the big talking GOP head of the day spews out. Where was old Newt anyway?

-Roberto Covert

zombie rotten mcdonald said...

You'll always be Hamfast Ruddyneck to me. It seemed to capture your personality.

Neo Tuxedo said...

I guess I was supposed to find out Dancin' Dave's sextonym, not my own.

-- Paco Jeopardy

Carmelo Clandestine said...


Which one of my personalities do you mean? :P

Lumpy Lang said...

I recall a racist of that name hanging around here who held Trayvon Martin responsible for his own murder.

Carmelo Clandestine said...

Lumpy's definition of "racist":

Anyone who fails to profess faith in the Received Fauxgressive Talking Points about the death of Martin.

Anonymous said...

"All I can say is...."

....nothing, at least on iOS devices. No video embeds work.