Saturday, January 05, 2013

The Gingrich Rules Can Only Be Destroyed

In the fires of Mount Doom where they were forged.

Until then, the stewards of that tiny sliver of our airwaves which are contractually obligated to discuss "public affairs" for an hour a week will continue to take turns setting out free publicity buffets for disgraced, bomb-throwing, race-baiting grifter Newt Gingrich

Regular readers will already be familiar with the Gingrich Rules to the point of self-harm:
In the game of professional punditry there also clearly exists a special set of rules designed with one person on mind.  Or, rather, one sort of person: Conservatism's parade of bomb-throwing, hate-mongering, race-baiting bottom feeders.  That breed which makes their daily bread from grifting the Pig People by generating an endless flood of books, magazine articles, broadcasts, speeches and videos all telling the GOP base over and over again that their bigotries are noble and their paranoia is patriotic. 
Of course, part of the downside of wallowing in the wingnut sewer and trafficking in slander and lies is that, sooner or later, you become a toxic mess.  Your stink becomes unacceptable to the general public, which s where the Sunday morning talk shows -- the Mouse Circus -- comes in.   Because despite having long ago devolved into a sinkhole of Beltway centrist twaddle, it is still viewed by altogether too many people as a bastion of Very Serious people -- it's the strip-mall of political opinion where casual shoppers go to feel smart and validated.

And so a bargain is struck; the bottom feeders deliver a temporary hike in the only thing these show's owners really care about -- audience share -- and, in exchange for being teevee friendly and keeping the worst of their batshit crazy on a leash for a few minutes, their Mouse Circus deburrs the bottom feeders' public image, replates and burnishes their credibility and temporarily transfuses them with Seriousness, which can then be redeemed at ten times its face value back among the Pig People.

And in the key to that bargain we find "The Gingrich Rules":


an agreement that the moderator will never, ever ask the bomb-throwing, hate-mongering, race-baiting goon sitting directly across from them a single question about their bomb-throwing, hate-mongering or race-baiting activities.  Instead they will be represented to the public merely as a Conservative commentator or talk radio host or pundit who, at worst, might be known for some "controversial" opinions, which the moderator will never bother to explicate.  *

This week -- proving that the Mayan Calendar was intended as more of a "wish" than a "to-do" list  -- the Definer Of Civilization's Rules And Leader (Perhaps) Of The Civilizing Forces will rise again from his tomb and walk among the living long enough to once again have his "Serious Washington Insider" meal ticket re- re- re- re- re- re- re-re- re- re- re- re- re- re- revulcanized.

This time the Pander Party will be emceed by Grandpa Bob Schieffer on his #1 Very Best Public Affairs Program For Television Viewing. ... teevee's second most ethically gelatinous Clinton-era muppet, George Robert Stephanopoulos . ... Dancin' David Gregory.

Greggers hand-down gobbles-without-gagging better than any other strumpet working in the Beltway knocking shop.

This is the job he was absolutely invented to perform.




billmon said...

Magnificant Photoshop job on Newt the Sith Lord.

Anonymous said...

You'd think they could catch David Brooks for plugola. The pro-fracking comments can't be an accident. Of course, that would require some effort to enforce it.

John Hall said...

Even after Newt is dead David Gregory will look to bring his rotting carcass in for a Sunday appearance.

Agen Bola said...

David Brooks, maybe me can edit this photos,,

Rehctaw said...

When there's Meat to be Pressed, it's Gravid Degory.

Each repellent visit by Newton inches his visage closer to Lionel Barrymore's portrayal of Capra's "Mr. Potter".

Degory's rolodex of failed/fallen/disproven/ seriously deranged reproblican guests marches on.

Next week? Alan West joins the panel?