Friday, July 01, 2011

During His Latest Bout



of New York Times-sponsored asymmetriphobia, Our Mr. Brooks leads with the following:
Between Diane Ravitch and the education reformers lies a middle way...
In the column, you can't escape the hilarious impression that this woman was not at all civil ("She has come to adopt the party-line view of the most change-averse elements of the teachers’ unions") or courteous ("She is quick to accuse people who disagree with her of being frauds...") and may have SHOUTED at Our Mr. Brooks ("She is very forceful, but there are parts of her new message that are hard to take.") a lot.

Oh, if only there were a Sensible Centrist Course that could be contrived into existence between this loud person and some other person or persons who Our Mr. Brooks will now imply have exactly the same allegedly-extreme view in the opposite direction!

As I have said before, Mr. Brooks, what you have is not an intellectual position. What you have is a mental disorder called "Asymmetriphobia": a horror of asymmetrical things. A disorder so profound in your case that you are obviously literally unable to write any column other than this one -- observe something, invent a contrary position, advise that middle course between them is wisest -- over and over and over again: 


Seek help.






3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Shouldn't it be asymmetriphilia? Since he tries to make everything equal?

Anonymous said...

Oh, I'm silly. I realize that should be symmetriphlia .

nevermind.

alise said...

More power to her! I want to shout at Our Mr. Brooks every time I read his usual column of absolute drivel. But I stifle my gag reflex and go on and do it, mainly because it gives me great pleasure to see him eviscerated by you and the commenters in the NYT. A guilty pleasure, it may be true, but a pure pleasure nonetheless.

Keep up the great work!