The Future's So Right

I Gotta

Wear


Shades.

It today's exciting episode of "David Brooks surveys the ignorant, rage-drunk lake-of-flaming-pig-shit that his Republican Party has become and determines that they're really doing A-OK!" Bobo scours the land to find the smoothest stone in all of Christendom, which he then skips ever so lightly and deceitfully across the surface of modern Republican history --

Reagan ----> "big picture"

Gingrich ----> "idea volcano"

George W. Bush ----> "straightforward man of faith"

Sarah Palin ----> "Flamboyant performer"

-- until it lands at last in the cup-holder of the "middle-age Ford" automobile (Just like you have, Ms. Suburban Working Mom!) of America's Most Sensible Republican Billionaire Who Has Spent $120 Million $190 Million Dollars To-Date To Buy The Governorship Of California.

Bobo has reached into one of the three, shallow pockets of his Creative Typist Magic Bag and produced yet another "Gushy Paean To The Republican Who Currently Most Reminds Me Of Me" column --

"Whitman seems to have led a sober, performance-oriented life. She began her career at a string of traditional companies: Procter & Gamble, FTD florists and Hasbro. Then, in 1998, she took the leap to a ramshackle company called Auction Web, which became eBay. Even as annual revenues surged from $6 million to somewhere north of infinity, she could have won an award for Most Likely to Avoid Irrational Exuberance. She was the grown-up chief executive hired to look after financial discipline, management structure, customer analysis and other spheres of eat-your-veggies sensibleness. "

-- but with the added twist of it being about a lady-person this time (Bobo usually reserves his NYT mash notes for whichever bilaterally symmetrical Republican Daddy-figure most reminds him of how he imagines Ronald Reagan's underpants might have smelled after a hard day punching hippies.)

In 800-words, Bobo has created for his imaginary Sensible Conservative Justice League a complete, three-act play consisting of...

...an almost wholly fictional Noble Past

"Just as welfare reformers of the 1990s presaged compassionate conservatism..."

...a Sekrit Imaginary Powerful Present

"Flamboyant performers like Sarah Palin get all the attention, but the governing soul of the party is to be found in statehouses..."

...and, of course, a Very Bright Future.

But Whitman is representative of an emerging Republican type — what you might call the austerity caucus....

Mitch Daniels, the governor of Indiana who I think is most likely to win the G.O.P. presidential nomination in 2012, is the spiritual leader. Gov. Chris Christie of New Jersey is the rising star. Jeb Bush is the eminence. Gov. Bobby Jindal of Louisiana and Rob Portman, a Senate candidate in Ohio, also fit the mold.

These are people who can happily spend hours in the budget weeds looking for efficiencies. They’re being assisted by budget experts from the Hoover Institution, the Manhattan Institute...

Of course to see David Brook's Splendid Conservative Tomorrow in all of its true glory,


you'll have to wear the special glasses.