Thursday, October 02, 2008

Our National Horshack Test

Oh! Oh! Mr. Kott-err!

Tonight was Rashomon night at the debates: what you saw depended entirely on who you were.

(But first, let me say right out that I think we
Liberals have finally found a fool-proof way of
spotting Replicants walking among us, pretending
to be human. Turns out, it wasn't just Dubya;
All Replicants are apparently
completely flummoxed by a common,
everyday, three-syllable English word.


Perhaps it should become our "Shibboleth".)

Sarah Palin is indeed Old Conservative Whine in New Skins.

Perky, vacant, contemptuous, proudly anti-intellectual, and programmed to within an inch of her life. A relentless, belt-fed drone set to full-auto, firing a short, Neocon-approved list of "Eye-Rak", "The Seeerge Werks", and the "White Flag Of Seerrender" phrases.

As I wrote a long time ago:
Plug in any topic – Iraq, Democrats, the economy, the Constitution, Dubya, the phases of the Moon, Vietnam, arch supports, hen teasing, what killed Vaudeville, who wrote the book of love, why does the caged bird sing...anyfuckingthing – and the lights on their vacuum tube firmware go blinky-blink, and this pre-recorded galvanic-reflex-feedback loop is what comes reeling out of their pie-holes.

It’s not that they “believe” any of this, any more than my egg timer “believes” in counting down to “ding”.

Palin is pure, triply-rectified Dubya, right down to her chipper, lock-jawed refusal to look "backwards" at anything for any reason, her barely concealed, eye-glittering contempt for having to answer anything but a french-kiss of a question, a soul constructed of absolute, evangelical certainty double-helixed tightly around a core of smirking, abysmal ignorance, and her inability to pronounce "Nukuler".

And in the Three Americas, reactions were predictable:

In Pundit America, where objectivity and judgment have been dead and buried for thirty years, the rudderless Villagers were comically schizophrenic in the way they tried to make simple, declarative statements while at the same time hedging their words in case tomorrow's poll show that, once again, none of them have the slightest fucking clue what they're talking about.

Snips from here, there and everywhere:

She killed. (Peggy Noonan)

She lost. (Matthew Dowd)

So many of her answers were programmed into her and she was going to give them regardless of the questions she was asked.

She can win by not losing. (Kate Zernike (NYT))

Folksy-riffic! (OK, I made that one up)

You may have some people who say “She talks like me!” or you may have some people who want more substance and less folksie.

But it all depends on what the voters think…

The energy level relentless.

I think there were a lot of people who may have tuned in for a few minutes to see an entertainment.

You can win without winning.

We won’t know if she was refreshingly Reaganesque or "Gidget Goes to Washington".

(And of course) Time will tell.

They were, in a word, "splunge".

In Liberal American, where the idea of an America where another Rove-programmed, Dubya-clone sits one heartbeat away from the Oval Office is seen as a Very, Very Bad Thing, Palin is the Hanta virus in size seven pumps.

And among the Pig People,

I have no doubt that Caribou Barbie will continue to be seen as a plain-folk-just-like-me godsend straight from Sweet Nukuler Baby American Jebus.

(A large and grateful h/t to Malacandra for the vid)

Noo-klee-er Update:

Pronunciation note: In pronouncing nuclear, the second and third syllables are most commonly said as /-kliər/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[-klee-er] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation, a sequence of sounds that directly reflects the spelled sequence ‑cle·ar. In recent years, a somewhat controversial pronunciation has come to public attention, with these two final syllables said as /-kyələr/[-kyuh-ler]



Anonymous said...

That last clip is titled "happy folk." Perfect. Just perfect. They'll happily - proudly - vote for another Republican that will reward their vote by mercilessly fucking them and their children into the ground.

When the Republican factory-owner ships their jobs off to Mexico, they will respond by supporting more tax cuts for the wealthy. Turn up the Limbaugh and hate those wetbacks/niggers/gays/Muslims/etc.

Go back 150 years. When their ancestors were driven into poverty and off their small cotton farms (couldn't compete with -literally - slave workers), what was their response? Why, support that wealthy plantation owner. Hell, lets go off to war and die for his right to fuck over the little farmers. Dixie forever! Listen to the Church and blame the niggers!

Screw it. Go back a thousand years (lets say rural England). Peasant farmers giving most of their meager crop to the local royalty (idiot-son of elder king). Is that a problem? Nope. Sorry peasant wife and starving kids, but its time to go off to the Crusades. Happily die for King and Country! Listen to the Church and hate the Muslims (and French).

So, sure, this strain of voters just love Palin. Why not have a cute sportscaster run the country?
As Jefferson said "I tremble for my country when I reflect that God is just."

Couldn't take the debate any longer, so I switched to the Cubs game. There went my night.

Habitat Vic

willis said...

The "happy folk" thing is a perfect example of why one should always wear a helmet on an ATV, especially when shitfaced.

DCup said...

Odd. All that looking back was making the Good Governor's neck hurt last night. Wonder what she thought of McCain's constant referrals to his past during the Presidential debate.

12th Monkey said...

Scientists are close to understanding this and perhaps even developing a treatment though Drifty. Apparently, surrender to the Dark Side transforms the cell nucleus into a nukulus by activating genes that have been dormant since the age of the reptiles. It is there that the Dark Side of the Force seems to take up residence and corrupt the entire organism.

Comrade PhysioProf said...

I felt sorry for that poor little white doggie. He had a look on his face like, "Hey, don't fucking blame me! I just live here!"

Myrtle June said...

Why was that guy trying to block his face? Was he ashaaaaaamed er sumpthin'? Skin dun crawled away!!! YIKES!

Anonymous said...

Apparently these happy folks are as stupid as they look. A strong argument in favor of forced sterilization. But why do you insult pigs by comparing them to these assholes. Pigs are a lot smarter, and they are delicious!

Anonymous said...

every morning i check the driftglass for confirmation that i am not nuts. thank you but a nuclear three syllables? just askin.

WereBear said...

Introspection requires the ability to let go of what you might think of yourself, and to drift, only lightly tethered, in an abyss of microsecond duration.

Those without the courage to do so, stay where they are.

I am not a town without pity. But I know that any reaching hand will get slapped away.

tanbark said...

I believe there will be enough hands reaching for the democratic side of the touchscreen that they won't be able to slap them away.

The "surge" IS working, only it's not the one that the goopers have been bragging about.

Porlock Hussein Junior said...

I tremble for my country when I reflect that God is not stooopid.

But Anonymous, who penned a first-class rant, might take some comfort in how the peasants reacted 400 years ago. In Shakespeare's Henry the Whatzis, there is a remarkable dialogue between Henry V (they're all about H V no matter what number is in the title), walking about incognito on the eve of the climactic battle. (OK, looked it up, it's Henry V Act 4 scene 1.) The cynicism of the common soldier about the whole deal, kings and all, is outstanding. Shixpur probably knew what he was talking about.

King: ...I could not die any where so
contented as in the king's company; his cause being
just and his quarrel honourable.

That's more than we know...

Woody (Tokin Librul/Rogue Scholar/ Helluvafella!) said...

Scarah "Plain" Palin had only to show up at the debate and not crap on stage to 'win' (she DID crap on Ifill, but Gwen was a good server and just leaned up the mess). The 'bar' was set so absurdly low baby cockroaches would have had to scuttle OVER it.

Her appeal is, I thknk, that she's someone the Average Murkin (god forbid) would like to go to church with. She's somebody with whom they can feel comfortable about being stupid, because she's dumber--and more intransigent about it--than they are...