Friday, August 15, 2008

Joke Line has his

"It's a Cookbook!" Moment.

Via the delightful Jill at Brilliant at Breakfast:

Nice work, Joe, but then, you helped create this environment

Joe Klein, who had as much to do with the obsession with the Clenis™ as anyone, has finally realized what he hath wrought -- now that it's too late and no one will go along with him:
Back in the day, John McCain was the sort of politician who would stand first in line to call out this sort of swill. (As, I'm sure Barack Obama or John Kerry would do, if some hate-crazed, money-grubbing left-winger published a book claiming that McCain had been successfully brainwashed in Vietnam--as Kerry did indeed do when a group of spurious Bush-backing Vietnam vets tried to claim exactly that about McCain during the 2000 Republican primary in South Carolina.

But we're not seeing those sorts of claims being made about McCain this year...because Democrats tend not to do that sort of thing. They are the sorts of claims that Republicans--Bush Republicans--make. They range from the blatantly extra-curricular, like Corsi's book, to the official McCain-sanctioned introduction made by Joe Lieberman--of all people--yesterday: that Obama doesn't "put America first."

I know that people like me are supposed to try to be fair...and balanced. (The Fox mockery of our sappy professional standards seems more brutally appropriate with each passing year.) In the past, I would achieve a semblance--or an illusion--of balance by criticizing Democrats for not responding effectively when right-wing sludge merchants poisoned our national elections with their filth and lies. And it is true, as John Kerry knows, that a more effective response--and a bolder campaign--might have neutralized the Swiftboat assault four years ago. It is also true that Corsi's book this time is far less effective than his Swiftboat venture, since it doesn't come equipped with veterans willing to defile their service by telling lies to camera.

But there is no excuse for what the McCain campaign is doing on the "putting America first" front. There is no way to balance it, or explain it other than as evidence of a severe character defect on the part of the candidate who allows it to be used.


Which is all well and good and would be a genuinely admirable moment of personal epiphany were it not for the fact that, unlike the book in "To Serve Man", the language which the Radical Right used to discuss their degenerate plans was not in any way obscure or encrypted.

The Conservative strategy of enlisting dupes like Joke Line and the laughable fiction of "Fair-n-Balanced" news to gut and destroy the media, in furtherance of their larger plans to loot and destroy America

have not been hidden behind a vast, ingenious conspiracy.

Quite the contrary; for decades, millions of bright, average people have seen this coming and have frantically tried to warn against it.

Didn't do a bit of good.

For decades, the Dirty Fucking Hippies have been standing on the gantry warning and cajoling and demanding and yelling and crying and roaring and, finally, saying "fuck" a lot in a desperate attempt to get duplicitous hacks like Joke Line to notice that "It's A Fucking Cook Book You Asshole!"

Joke Line: What?

DFH: A cook book. They are going to cook you and eat you.

Joke Line: Oh that's crazy.

DFH: Look at your foot.

Joke Line: What?

DFH: Your foot. They are cutting off your foot. Right now.

Joke Line: Bill Clinton's penis?

DFH: No. Republicans.

Joke Line: So...what does that have to do with Bill Clinton's penis?

DFH: Nothing.

Joke Line: So your point is...?

DFH: The point is, they're smashing the country, plundering the treasury and shredding our Constitution.

Joke Line: No, that can't be true. People want to have beers with them.

DFH: They are sawing your other foot off.

Joke Line: They have flag pins.

DFH: Now they're hacking your arm off. Can't you feel that?

Joke Line: But...but...maybe, Democrats hack my limbs off and eat them too.

DFH: No they don't.

Joke Line: I'm pretty sure they do.

DFH: Can you think of one, single example of Democrats hacking off your limbs and eating them?

Joke Line: I'm pretty sure Bill Clinton's penis cut off something and did something to it.

DFH: That never happened.

Joke Line: Look, you obviously don't understand journalisming. Whatever happens, both side must be equally to blame or it's not a story.

DFH: They're chopping off your shoulder with an axe now.

Joke Line: No they're not. Unless Democrats are doing it too, or Bill Clinton's penis is acting alone, it's not happening

DFH: How can you not fucking notice that!?

Joke Line: You said "Fuck"!

Seven years later...

Joke Line: Where are my feet! Where are my arms? What is George Bush's dick doing in my mouth?

And so it goes.


Anonymous said...

Thanks for the chuckle! You're the best DG ;)

Mariamariacuchita said...

This is brilliant.

CapD said...

And after they cut off JokeLine's feet was when everyone realized he didn't have a leg to stand on.

dave said...

Okay, okay...give ol' Joe some credit...THIS time he seems to get it. THIS time...

Dee Loralei said...

Brilliant Mr Driftman. Just. damned. brilliant.

Joke Line as Black Knight?

PhysioProf said...

I really don't get why everybody wants to give these despicable scumbag war-enabling nation-destroying shitbags motherfucking cookies just because after 7 goddamn motherfucking years of death, suffering, and destruction of everything that is good about our nation, they finally decide to pull their motherfucking heads out of their asses.

Too little, too late. Now burn in hell, you motherfucking lying traitorious scumbags.

Angel Of Mercy said...

Yeah!! What physioprof said!

Anonymous said...

As noted so delicately by physioprof:

Too little, too late. Now burn in hell, you motherfucking lying traitorious scumbags.

This is Karl Rove's mentor, Lee Atwater, dying of a brain tumor in 1993 and finally saying: Why was we Repukes so mean?

And expecting us to "forgive" him.

This is a bunch of worthless, center-less jackasses -- like Joke Line, like Robert Novakula Dracula -- trying to buy a Head-Keeper Insurance Policy at the end of their Reigns of Terror. Trying to hedge all bets and hope that the filthy masses -- ALL OF US -- will not chop their heads off with our shiney new guillotines.

Bring it on, French Revolution. Marie Antoinette ain't gonna change her sick tunes. And neither are Joke Line or Novakula or any Bush-Backing Mafiosi.

Still going to 4th circle of hell, Joey the Clenis Obsessed Klein. Bring a space heater -- it's frozen solid.

For eternity. You weasely schmuck.

And that is why you die with George Bush's shrivelled penis in your gullet. Die as you Live, banana sucker.

The Fool said...

L. O. Fucking. L.

Mahakal / מהכאל said...

CBS has the complete episode for online viewing, along with what appears to be the entire run of Twilight Zone episodes.