Sunday Morning Comin’ Down

Ah, this day’s Mouse Circus.

A textbook example of a photo negative of what proper public discourse should be.

An almost flawless anti.

A nearly perfect un.

A parade of dead-eyed, vinyl-haired muppets, the scariest example of which might have been Laura Fucking Ingraham who oozed through that porous, threadbare chastity belt the MSM uses to pretend to separate Serious Pundits from mere Hate Radio shouters.

Laura (who seems to be getting makeup cues telefacsimilied to her directly from the crypt of Bloody Mary Matalin) has taken to abrading the rage-lines off her brow and appliquéing some kind of flesh-colored polymer to the front part of her skull

with a power washer.

She was joined on the “This Week” panel with a barely lifelike Mark Halperin simulacra, Donna Brazile sporting a petrified forest of stunted, lacquered antenna, and George Will.

How bad, trivial and electile-dysfunction-inducing was it?

On “Meet the Press” , Punkin’ Haid Russert “interviewed” South Carolina Native Shun and Presidential Candidate, Stephen Colbert.

It was a cartoon. A funny, funny cartoon that I enjoyed thoroughly (clip available over at Crooks & Liars here), but shot through with an aftertaste of Teh Creepy; with the bitter knowledge that, with all the problems stalking the world, the precious bandwidth we set aside once a week to at least pretend to talk about the issues of the day was sopped up by jokes.

That between things like the laugh-em-ups on the ”The Chris Matthews Show” and the roundup of what comedians are saying on “This Week” , we are chuckling ourselves to death.

Meanwhile, local Channel 23 broke boldly with the pack and re-ran “The Incredible Hulk”

dubbed into español.

And between them, Colbert and El Hulque were the Lincoln and Douglas of this Sunday’s offerings.

And what did I learn from the little noises farting out of the yawning, smirking, Skittle-colored abyss between the Big Green One and the Prince of Truthiness?

That maybe we’ll have a recession.

And maybe not.

Maybe somebody’ll give McCain’ll some turkee.

And maybe not.

Maybe Iowa’ll break thisaway, and maybe New Hampshire’ll switch to a Julian Calendar, and maybe The Wizard’ll give Fred Thompson a big sack of charisma and a case of long-haul-trucker-strength No-Doz.

And maybe Newt.

Maybe Michigan’s all messed up not because of 30 years of failed urban policy and the staggeringly shortsighted, incompetent management of the US auto industry…but cuz’a those Dirty Fucking Hippies!

Maybe Hillary is a pants-suited juggernaut.

And maybe naut.

The highlight for me, counterintuitively enough, was “Fox News Sunday” , which I had to mute due to an urgent visit from a pair of Jehovah’s Witnesses selling (if I understood them correctly) some kind of faith-based Value’s Voter Aluminum Siding.

The castle, of course, requires no such piffling, over-priced, Emperor's New Facade Protection. It is made from ancient stones hewn by union, uh, stoners from secret quarries beneath the site on which, legend has it, Tony Curtis first nailed Yvonne De Carlo, and fitted together by nimble-handed WPA workers so cunningly that, like the ageless walls of Machu Picchu

no mortar was required.

However out of common Liberal courtesy, I listened politely for 2-3 years until they perished from hunger, carefully razored out their pockets and sent their folding money to the ACLU, and then respectfully interred their remains.

And in a bizarre bit of synchronicity (which is, I believe, very near where the GOP I Wuv Jebus Kabuki debate is being held tonight) when I looked up and started paying attention to the teevee machine again, I noticed three things:

1. That the Values Voter crack pipe issue was being passed bruited around there too.

2. Since I had the sound muted, the Closed Captioning was scrolling by. And;

3. It became immediately apparent that the Fox Caption Transcriptors had gone quite insane (very probably from a combination of boredom, self-loathing and compulsive onanism [which, let that be a lesson to you kids out there, using the same, dog-eared March 1988 copy of Juggs over and over again’ll do to you]) and were wildly abusing whatever tiny bit of power accrues to a Kaption Keyboard Kommando at Fox.

Seizing the moment, I was able to snatch down


a


few


screen



grabs


before a phalanx of loofah-sheathed-truncheon wielding Fox goons busted down the door, beat the Fox's typing monkeys to jelly, and erased their transgressions from the memory of man.

As well as utterly destroying the only March 1988 copy of Juggs magazine still known to be in existence.

Oh, the humanity.