Blue Tuesday Plus Five
In which Renfield Republicans
ask why Vlad Dracul doesn’t love 'em no more?
On Fox News Sunday, they take down the black bunting and drag Brit Hume’s misshapen tombstone head out of the oven long enough to ask Howard Dean and (Bush Counselor) Dan Bartlett some questions.
Dean: It is not our job to prop up an incompetent regime.
Wallace: It is your job to prevent terrorism?
Dean: Yes. And that’s what Democrats plan to do.
Dean mentions Turkey. That’s big.
Dean: We have to cut our losses. Keeping 140,000 Americans in Iraq forever is not make us safer.
Dean: Fuck! Didn’t we learn this lesson in Vietnam?
Most interesting sentence fragment is from Chris Wallace:
“You got your Majority back.”
Interesting because of the unspoken implication that Democrats are the natural majority. That the majority wasn’t just won, but returned to its rightful owner.
Wallace: James Carville came after you? Aha! What say you to that, sir!
Dean: Just meaningless, inside the beltway idiocy.
driftglass: “Some people say” that Carville is Mary Matalin’s bed-hedged bet. “Some people say”, with her orc army in full retreat on every front, Bloody Mary has upped the dosage of the Lady MacBeth, “You should be the King!” stoopid juice she drizzles into Carville’s furry ears in the dead of night.
At least that’s what some people say.
Wallace: Will Preznit Drinky compromise?
Dan Bartlett, as parsed through the driftglass Translate-O-Matic (Now with flavor crystals!)
Sure! So long as Democrats capitulate on every topic, paint “Welcome!” on their asses, lay down at his door and allow him to wipe hit shitkickers on ‘em…the Preznit is happy to work with Democrats.
Then comes The Newt Quote, which goes roughly “Why the fuck didn’t the Preznit dump Rummy’s maniac ass months ago? It would have let us salvage at least something.”
Bartlett’s Answer A: The Rummy Factor wasn’t the difference in this election.
Bartlett’s Answer B: The Preznit didn’t want to inject national security issues into the election.
Let me fix Bartlett’s typo -- Preznit “If you vote for Democrats, the Terrorists will win!” didn’t want to inject national security issues into the election.
There ya go, Dan. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Bartlett – whose dip switches are still stuck in “Lie Your Ass Off -- No One Will Notice” mode – clearly did not learn the most important lesson of Blue Tuesday: In this new political gravity well, Your Bullshit Don’t Fly No More.
The longer, truer answer to the question “Why didn’t Dubya act sooner and smarter to save the Republican Congress?” is found in what Bartlett won’t say.
Will never say.
That the Bush White House came hardwired with dismissive scorn for Congress in general, but reserves a specific, cask-strength contempt their own Party’s Congressional leadership.
Bush is a thug and a bully, concocted from a witchbag of failure and hubris and a leaky egg sac full of Oedipal horrors, who keeps it all barely tamped down by keeping all his gargoyles dry-drunk and pointing snarlingly inward. Who has always been a coward, exhibiting his smirking, rich-punk brutality only when he knows his opponent is safely helpless and prone, and for the last six years the GOP has been only too squirmingly happy to play Renfield to his Dracula.
Conversely, lacking a conscience, Dubya can only be compelled to respect the processes of democratic governance and honest negotiation with a political 2x4 upside his head. Hit him hard enough and he’ll break and go whimpering to Daddy every time. In this, as in so many other ways, Dubya truly is the anti-Clinton.
But Congressional Republicans have been nothing but apologists for Bush’s worst excesses and accomodationist worms for the last six years. The Bush regime always found them useful, but contemptible, so why the fuck should anyone think Dubya would lift a finger for them if it was going to cost him face?
For six years they have been his willing footstool, so where in the world did these Renfield Republicans get the notion that Preznit Dracula ever gave a shit about their opinion about anything?
On the Meet the Press, Timmuh stages a classic Punkin Haid Dinosaur Puppet Show featuring this guy...
“Match me, Johnny!”
And this guy...
I mean, WTF? I had to check my teevee to make sure I wasn't somehow getting "classic" Russert from 1997.
Timmuh has chosen to frame the massive defeat of GOP candidates, leadership and ideas on all fronts last Tuesday in his own, Russertian way; by giving the floor to Republican Joe “Success in Iraq” Lieberman and Republican John “Victory in Iraq” McCain.
Which is tantamount to rerunning this as "news"
the day after the Neil Armstrong set foot on Moon.
Sure the former is sorta, kinda, marginally, tangentially related to the later if you squint really, really hard. But Sweet Midterm Jesus, this isn’t just missing the point; this is deliberately exiling the point to the Outer Darkness because the point made you look stupid and foolish and makes your ass look fat.
Clearly somebody needs to dip his giant, corroded noggin in a bucket ‘o Tarn-X until it’s shiny and clean. And if by now it's nothing but rust from bald spot to third chin, and it just scours right off, well that’d be entertaining too...
Russert: Everybody – in both Parties -- knew that Kerry’s “joke” was just a blown line. But you just bent your friend over and pounded him with a hammer. Did you really believe that John Kerry was criticizing the troops?
Russert: But didn’t you seize on it to suck up to Conservatives in your Party?
driftglass: What a pathetic cartoon McCain has become.
Lieberman is heartened that the Democrats are talking about “bipartisanship”…and a nag about how the Dems need to shape up and play nicer if they don’t want to be cast out like the Party pf God.
Shorter Kapo Joe: If I sell out my Party a little faster, maybe the brownshirts’ll let me be King of the whole Camp!
Maureen Dowd and David Gregory were OK. Not great, but OK.
End Part 1