For too long, the nation has cried out

...for a new tongue twister.


For too long we Children of the Innovation Age have had to soldier on into the digital future with the antique wordplay of a bygone, sepia-toned analog era. A time of band concerts and whale-bone corsets. Of hand-cranked ice cream and honorable Republicans.

Well times have changed.

Now iPods come with penis sleeves and vaginal spelunking adapters in every designer color. And the latest generation of memory-plastic credit cards with new Mammon chip-sets don't even need you anymore; they can actually drive you into penury all by themselves. And yet we still make do with yesterday's rubber bumpers of baby buggies and seashore seashell selling without surcease. Skimping by with the same succession of consonantally similar sounds that rumbled West across the continent in Conastogas our great-grandfathers.

This was not the Glorious Tomorrow we were promised!

Well I have heard your lamentations, and although I am just one man, alone, with a cat biting my foot while I watch 1-minute-internet-porn teasers cut together like the “Jupiter and Beyond the Infinite” sequence from "2001"...I have nonetheless done my best to meet this need head on.

Ahem.

The pope procured a proper purple Papal paper stapler to staple proper purple Papal paper.

Thank you.