Tuesday, October 25, 2005

The clock ticks down towards High Noon


and The Man approacheth.

My antique laptop just started showing me a PAGE_FAULT_IN_A_NON_PAGE_AREA (rampant against a striking blue background) and began denying me access to Safe Mode, which means it's almost certainly time to start digging a PC hole, and rather a lot of work has probably gone to digital heaven.

Which, if I were better rested, would be freaking me out no little bit right now, and which is why I had to unship the borrowed-and-hadn't-yet-returned-Mac (And thank's be to you-know-who-you-are.)

But frankly I'd be in a lot less of a jolly mood if I hadn't stopped around Steve Gilliard's for a nightcap and found that Commentor Randy McGowan had penned this terrific parody

Thanks Randy; laughs are just a mite short-stocked around here these days, and this is some For Sure Grinnin' Funny sausage you're packin'.

So, let me step aside and just let you read on...

Twas the nite before Fitzmas and through the White House
Not a neocon stirred, even Cheney, that louse
The documents were shredded and all burned with care
Even Judy was smart enough not to be there

The liberals were snuggled all warm in their beds
Convinced that George Bush would no longer be led
With Laura in her burkah and George in his cap
He thought to himself, can I beat this wrap?

Then from the news there arose such a clatter
George ran to his office "what the hell is the matter!?!"
He grabbed Rove and said "what is the excitement?"
And there stood Fitzgerald, hands full of indictments

Karl’s bald head then started to glow
Like George Bush’s nose, in the days he did blow
When what to his bloodshot eyes should appear
But cops and attorneys and all coming near

Fitzgerald was thorough, if not very quick
And George now realized he wasn’t that slick
More rapid than eagles Fitz’s charges they came
And he whistled and shouted and called them by name

"Now, grab all those docs and seize that computer!
Arrest Cheney! And Rove! And Rumsfeld and Scooter!
To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall!
Now, lock away, lock away! Lock away all!"

With a wink of his eye and a twist of his head
Fitz let George know he had plenty to dread
He leaked not a word, but went straight to his work
arrested them all and said “Bush you’re a jerk”

And poking his finger in George Bush’s nose
Said time for a speech in the garden of rose
He sprang to his car to his team gave a shout
And away they dragged Rove who started to pout

But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight:

F*** You Dick Cheney, and your friends on the right!

70 comments:

Anonymous said...

good find. And go Sox

Zappatero said...

pure bliss..........

skunqesh said...

(big shit eatin grin!) that was hilarious! Still, it's too early to be shaking that box under the tree - Indictments? Or 'Get Out of Jail Free' cards?


But...
Caaan Youuu Diggit!!

Chicago's puttin the hurt on Houston (IN Houston - Yes!!).

And just a few days till Fitzmas.


I'm living a little vicariously here - only one curse was reversed last October. Another was then cast back upon us in November. Aye, a glass half full still needs topping off. I'm hopin this fever pitch portends to good omens.

Fitz-Nollaig shona duit!
slainte'

jurassicpork said...

Fucking A. I knew I should've done this earlier. This is the second parody that I've seen before I had a chance to write my own.

slim said...

arrested them all and said “Bush you’re a jerk”

perfect.

Grep Agni said...

Wow. And it scans, too!

Anonymous said...

Nice, but I liked your Raven parody better!

Anonymous said...

And FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!, Bob Brentley, Mr. Palestenian homestate, Ala Hamas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. You're comments SUCKED on WSCR in Chicago, Tuesday. You SUCK as Cubs announcer ANYWAY!!!!!!!. With your Bartman boytoy Kasper. Hail Chip Caray & Steve Stone, FUCK YOU occidential assholes!!!!!!!!!!!!!. For that shitty comment about the Sox maybe losing the world series.........Well I guess Satan was at your right hand, You demonic bastard!!!!.

Anonymous said...

And go play X-rated Twister with your boytoy McPhailure!!!!!!!.

skunqesh said...

Anyone out there a bettin' person?

Any 'gentlemens' (gentlepersons?) bets on the outcomes of this torrid affair? (Libby indicted 8:1, Rove squirms out like the worm he is, 4:1, Cheney strangles a puppy on live tv, 10:1)

Despite Joe Wilson's comments to the contrary, I will take extreme pleasure at any and all indictments no matter how sad a day it is for the ideals of government. America can take it - hell, this is what makes America so great! Let Justice be done: questioning your goverenment and holdin scum accountable = priceless. The only thing more American than that is..

Betting on the odds!

http://www.intrade.com/

jurassicpork said...

Did anyone catch Ann Coulter's usual two minute hate on John "Five in the Noggin" Gibson's show less than an hour ago?

She said, firstly, that "Personally, I feel sorry for Karl Rove (not the agent he outed)" after telling Bill Maher just a few weeks ago on Real Time that she'd join him in a glass of champagne if he was indicted.

Now she feels sorry for him. Will she offer therapy to him, too?

Secondly, she now loves "President" Bush because his idiotic choice for the Supreme Court took it upon herself to withdraw because she has too many skeletons in her closet.

Thirdly, she still thinks that "the war is going well," which strikes me as something that Maj. Burns would've said on M*A*S*H. The Constitution that she keeps waving around over her head like a pair of panties, is proof of that.

You know, I know that there women reading this but I'm sorry, ladies, when I see, hear or even just think of Ann Coulter, only two words spring to mind: Stupid and Cunt.

skunqesh said...

JP,
C'mon, Like you've never seen a circus freak show? They know how to getcha, draw you in, and grab your hard earned dollars or good will and patience by looping you with flashes, smoke, mirrors, bearded ladies and hysterical anorexic dominatrixes who throw their poo from their cages..

Yeah, I don't get it either - I'm a boob-n-booty kinda guy so that counts Ann out (unless it's that slim boyish figure that wingnuts are so fond of - notice the adam's apple)? Sorry - meat is for men, bones are for dogs.

Of course - If I were trapped on a desert island, with say, Hillary Clinton and Ann Coulter...

I'd rather chum the water.

jurassicpork said...

I usually never watch Fox "News" on account that my voice would never hold out for an entire show.

I tend to scream when I see and hear neocons, you see, a kind of homemade Orwellian two minute hate.

So it was still a bit of culture shock. I am constitutionally incapable of suffering fools or necons (or is that too tautological) gladly.

Anyway, since this is the night before Fitzmas...

As we approach the magic morning, let us reflect on the true meaning of Fitzmas. No, no, I'm not talking about Karl Rove Fitzmas cards and the requisite, commercial-driven gift-giving and Bob Hope specials. I mean the mean-spirited jeering that is the moral obligation of every liberal and which is the neocons' due.

What better way than to sing Fitzmas carols while we wait for our presents to be handed out?

Such as the one I just posted, for instance, on my blog...

Ivory Bill Woodpecker said...

Would somebody puh-LEEZE chloroform Multiple Exclamation Points Anonymous Dude? Take your Ritalin, man!

MAC said...

Rats! It's only half-Fitzmas. Can I be satisfied if Santa doesn't bring me Rove tied up in handcuffs and off to jail along with Scooter?

Anonymous said...

And it's "Don't Drop The Soap" for Karl boy.

Anonymous said...

Choloroform YOU, Ivory. You're probably a Bush-paid troll anyway.

justanotheranonposter said...

Anonymous says:
"You're probably a Bush-paid troll anyway."

Thanks for articulating exactly what I've personally been suspecting about you -- a suspicion reinforced by your "I know you are, but what am I?" reply to Ivory, the exact kind of approach that wingnuts use.

(Or in your case, "I know you are, but what am I???????????????????")

I'm not sure whether you're a Bush-paid troll or just a retard, but seems like you need to be referred to NAMBLA where you can find someone to love you.

Scout said...

Where oh where is Driftglass? I need a fix!

skunqesh said...

whoa!

I was always thinking Anonymous!!!!!!!!! was somewhere between legendary schizophrenic Chicago street performer Wesley Willis and Animal from the Muppets. Nutty, but mostly harmless in a performance art with ADD kinda way. Maybe I'm wrong - but he/she/it's certainly no GG Allen or Ann Coulter (true Crazies).

Anyway - To 'Nonamous, your enthusiam is undeniable, but you definitely need to resume your meds. It's not going to change who you are, and may infact render your, uhm.. 'posts' understandable and therefore more fun to read. Not that they aren't already funny, their just not 'Ha Ha' funny.
Peace,

or should I say?

PEACE!!!!!!!!!!!
-Word

http://www.zoloft.com/

Anonymous said...

You hypocrites-in-fashion should talk.

Anonymous said...

Ann Coulter, Girl Interrupted II?????????.

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