Today In Clueless Privileged White Guys Gassing On and On: David Brooks (Now With Extra Andrew Sullivan!)

Mr. Brooks has packed so much stupid into his contractually-obligated 800 word today that I suspect he had to borrow The New York Times' industrial blither-compactor just to get it all in.

And for the record, I agree with pretty much every "WTF?" take on the Twitter Machine this morning by the many patriotic Americans who are just waking up to the fact that David Brooks a) actually exists, b) is actually paid real money by The New York Times to write things, c) is an idiot and d) has been paid real money by The New York Times to write idiotic things for going on 14 years.

14 years.

Of course, as longtime, premium, Platinum-level readers, you are no doubt already familiar with Mr. Brooks writing process: To wit, crawling through his many "piles" --

I lay it out on the floor of my office in piles of paper. Every pile is a paragraph. I pick up a pile. Write that paragraph. Throw that pile of paper in the garbage. And then repeat for all the piles. By the time I start writing, the column is already 80 percent done. It’s the organizing of the piles that’s the key process. The only thing is, judges have a saying: “that opinion won’t write itself.”

-- while calling for his houseboy Manolo to keep those god damn Pink Ladies coming.

And as longtime premium, Platinum-level readers, you are no doubt equally familiar with the stringent managerial oversight process used at The New York Times to keep an eye on employees like Mr. David Brooks:

The upsides of the job are that he can literally do whatever he wants. “I’ve never attended a meeting at the Times. We can write about anything. I’ve been at the Times for over a decade; I’ve never had a performance review. We can go anywhere we want. And we are just left alone.”

So don't worry, I'm already way ahead of you.   You're asking yourself,  "Who better to weigh in up to his chinny-chin-chin on what does or does not constitute a hostile workplace environment...

...for women...

..in the tech sector...

...than a wildly overpaid, clueless, middle-aged white guy who phones his work in from home, has never been answerable to anyone for anything on the job, and who is so freaked out by feedback that he has his minions read his comment section for him?"

What it's like to be a conservative columnist at the New York Times

ASPEN, Colo. — New York Times columnist David Brooks gets a lot of hate mail. And he doesn't read the comments section.

"I used to read them, but it was just too psychologically damaging," Brooks said in an interview with Yahoo News' Katie Couric at the Aspen Ideas Festival on Tuesday. "So then I would ask my assistant to read them."

Brooks was shocked at the volume of "punishingly negative" comments when he joined the Times in 2003...

Well, Mr. Brooks has not failed you, because this morning he went cannon-balling straight into the deep end of yet another subject about which he knows absolutely nothing.

This about covers it:

Please, David Brooks, mansplain to me once more why I shouldn't be offended that a white man doesn't believe I'm not equipped for my work pic.twitter.com/vKcN3B0BXB

— Judy Wang (@judywang) August 11, 2017

So that's one.

Now add to that the fact that Mr. David Brooks -- a man who sucks so comprehensively at his job that gravitational singularities have been known to buy him lunches at fancy Italian sammich bistros just to seek his advice -- is actually suggesting with a straight face that some other human on the Earth should be replaced because, in Mr. Brooks' opinion, they suck at their job.

NY Times Columnist David Brooks Urges Google CEO to Resign 

“There are many actors in the whole Google/diversity drama, but I’d say the one who’s behaved the worst is the C.E.O., Sundar Pichai,” columnist says..

So that's two.

But my absolute favorite is the inevitable manifestation of Mr. Brooks' helpless addiction to the Big Lie of Both Siderism.  An addiction so desperately, DT-alcoholic deep that it is almost literally impossible for Mr. Brooks to write a single fucking column without finding a way to ham-handedly jam it in there sideways.

And so, ready...

The mob that hounded Damore was like the mobs we’ve seen on a lot of college campuses.

Aim...

We all have our theories about why these moral crazes are suddenly so common. I’d say that radical uncertainty about morality, meaning and life in general is producing intense anxiety. 

Fire!

We are at a moment when mobs on the left and the right ignore evidence and destroy scapegoats. That’s when we need good leaders most.

And that's three.

Did I mention that he has been getting paid a fortune to extrude this dreck for going on 14 years now?

And speaking of "Fire!", every week or so for the past twelve years, after thoroughly documenting the relentless and predictable wrongness of Mr. David Brooks on many different topics, I have asked this same, simple question over and over again:  why the fuck does this man still have a job?

Seriously, who exactly is this mope's "clout" (as we say in Illinois) and why exactly is some Prince of Darkness protecting him from on high from the tender mercies of the competitive marketplace?

In fact, in the past twelve years I have asked that question about a lot of oafish, talentless creative typists who have all but destroyed nuanced, grown-up political discourse in out county, but for some reason have a permanent, no-questions-asked seat reserved at the table of our media's national political dialogue.

And I have never once gotten an answer.

UPDATE:

If there is one thing Gay Catholic Tory True Conservatives cannot resist, it's the opportunity burnish their contrarian/independent bona fides by kicking the hated Leftists in the shins.

Especially, feminist leftists!

From Mr. Andrew Sullivan:

In attempting to create “diversity,” left-feminists are attempting to deny actual diversity. They are attempting to argue that all humans are utterly interchangeable, that there are no differences between men and women, which is to say, in some way, that men and women do not actually exist. It’s a crazy idea, barren and empty, bitter and cramped, draining the world of its color and variety and difference. And yet we have to conform to it...or lose our jobs.

Really?  We have to conform to it...or lose our jobs.

Trust me, Andrew, you don't have a single thing to worry about.  Because if the last 20 years have proven one thing beyond any doubt it is this: even in the event of a nuclear war, three relics of this world will prove to be absolutely indestructible -- cockroaches, Twinkies and people willing to pay mopes like Andrew Sullivan to write silly shit on whatever is left of the internet.

Behold, a Tip Jar!