Friday, May 17, 2013

Alcohol Can Be Such a Cruel Bitch

After waiting impatiently for the waiter to bring her a jeroboam of Obama Scandal Popskull Special Reserve big and blackout-inducing enough to blot out in toto the long string of impeachable Republican failures and treasons which she has spent her career merrily whistling right on past, Peggy Noonan finally said "Fuck it!" and chugged a bottle of turpentine.
We are in the midst of the worst Washington scandal since Watergate. The reputation of the Obama White House has, among conservatives, gone from sketchy to sinister, and, among liberals, from unsatisfying to dangerous. No one likes what they're seeing. The Justice Department assault on the Associated Press and the ugly politicization of the Internal Revenue Service have left the administration's credibility deeply, probably irretrievably damaged.
It seems to have escaped Peggers' notice that Barack Obama's reputation among conservatives had "gone from sketchy to sinister" about 40 seconds after it became clear that Barack Obama would be the nominee of the Democratic Party in 2008, and that "on The Young Turks" is not technically the same as "among Liberals".

Also, in case you forgot, this was Pegger's take on the revelation that the Bush Administration had secretly upgraded torture from "medieval horror" to "official policy of the United States government":

Noonan: Oh I have reservations about all this. It's hard for me to look at a great nation issuing these documents and sending them out to the world and thinking oh much good will come of that. Sometimes in life you wanna' just keep walkin'. History has changed. It does change. We have a new administration, a new way. Sometimes I think just keep walkin'. Don't always be issuing papers and reports...Some of life has to be mysterious.
For all of her besotted, revisionist, meandering incompetence, La Noonan will be rewarded with yet another chance to tread the boards on "Meet the Press" along with Mitch McConnell, Donald Fucking Rumsfeld and the creaking, animatronic ruin of the Only Man Who Ever Shat Himself In Terror of Gene Sperling.

Because, by Grabthars Hammer, fuck yes is there a Club.

And you are so very much not in it.

1 comment:

Lawrence said...

It starts off with a wine bottle of Old Testament proportions and ends with a Galaxy Quest reference. Well done. I also liked the use of 'in toto', though I was at first looking for the Wizard of Oz or Africa joke.