My Tesseract Party Campaign Platform (Updated and Under Construction)

 As you all know, in 2022 I launched the Tesseract Grift Party which rejected the false divisions of all states of matter, energy and politics!

We weren't Left.

And weren't Right.

But also we weren't Forward.

And not Behind.

Instead, the Tesseract party pledged to be fully present in all four dimensions and at all quantum states.

We sought to avoid the partisanship of the Left, Right and Forward parties by recognizing that, at the subatomic level, all of us are equal.

And that's where true reform must begin: at the quantum level.  

Well, that didn't go over like the house on fire my advisors thought it would, so we went back to the drafting table and are reworking the party platform so we can 

1. Regulate sound levels across all streaming and broadcast platforms so that it doesn't jump wildly every god damn time you change the channel.  


2. If citizens over 55 or 62 or 65 will continue to be referred to as "Senior Citizens", then citizens under 55 or 62 or 65 will now officially be referred to as "Junior Citizens".


3. Any Democratic office holder, candidate for office, influencer, loudmouth or "ally" who uses any variation of the phrase "this isn't a partisan issue" or "this isn't about left or right" gets tased in the taint.   


4. Any Democratic office holder, candidate for office, influencer, loudmouth or "ally" who insists that we drop the issue of Donald Trump's massive coverup of his dead best friend's child sex trafficking network in favor of "kitchen table issues" will be required to spend six hours sitting at the kitchen table of a MAGA simpleton and listen respectfully to them yawp about Obama and treason and Crooked Hillary and Joe Biden how eggs now cost 9 cents a dozen and gas is virtually free and 202 was rigged and Donald Trump was sent by Jesus.


5. Medicare for all, legal weed, legal abortions and all the rest of the good stuff.

More to come and thank you for your attention to this matter.

Ain't no party like a Tesseract party

'Cause a Tesseract party don't stop 

at three dimensions!