Today In Both Sides Do It: King Cotton

When wingnut welfare babies grow up, they dream of becoming Senators from Koch Industries:

From the time he was a teenager, Cotton has been nurtured and groomed by conservative institutions—scholars, think tanks, media, and advocacy groups—to be the face of their political crusade. Pure, upright, and ideologically correct, he is their seemingly flawless mascot ... And now he is finally on the cusp of achieving the platform consummate to his talents, a seat in the U.S. Senate.

And thus free market capitalism eliminates the need to bribe politicians in the traditional sense.

I mean, just consider from an investment point of view, how much more efficient it is to breed wingnut killbots to spec and decant them on-demand?   (h/t Susie at Crooks and Liars):

You Will Be Shocked To Know Who's Been Grooming Tehran Tom

(Spoiler:  You won't be shocked)

It lowers your risk, saves a ton of money in the long run and you'll always have ten or twenty spares in the warehouse and ready should one of your showroom models malfunction and suddenly develop a conscience or something.

Meanwhile, in the same paragraph where those ellipses are, here comes the obligatory punching of the imaginary hippie:

...(Conservatives would surely argue that a potent network consisting of regular academia and the mainstream media nurtures left-wing candidates.)...

Because if you don't pair every real Conservative crime against democracy with the imaginary transgressions of unnamed Liberals, rumor has it that Chuck Todd sends Joe Scarborough over to your house to shoot your dog.