Ohhhh....shiny!

OK, three things that men like to play with.**

Two stories, one paper, same day. So what do they have in common?

First story: farce and embarrassment.

4 charged in sting at massage parlor
Published April 23, 2005
GLENVIEW -- Two employees of a Glenview business and two customers face prostitution-related charges following an undercover investigation, police said Friday. Nick Mellas, 54, of the 100 block of East Grand Avenue, Fox Lake, was charged with keeping a house of prostitution, and Kassandra Malone, 26, of the 900 block of Shattuck Lane, Schaumburg, was charged with one count of prostitution following their arrest Thursday at Eden Inc., 3090 N. Lake Ter., a massage parlor, police said.
During a sting operation at the business Thursday, investigators charged Dennis Dorman, 58, of the 800 block of Summit Drive, Deerfield, and Martin Shuster, 54, of the 700 block of Equestrian Drive, Wheeling, with solicitation of a sex act, police said...

Second story: stupidity and tragedy. And I will refrain from suggesting that the fact that the story features a reckless gun owner named Thomas Paine in the 90% White Suburb of Stickney has anything to do with anything.

Dad thought gun `out of reach'
Boy's shooting death accidental, family says
By Joseph SjostromTribune staff reporterPublished April 23, 2005
The gun that a 3-year-old boy shot himself to death with this week in an accident "was thought to have been placed out of his reach," according to a statement released Friday by his family.
Tommy Paine was struck in the head by a bullet from a 9 mm semiautomatic pistol Wednesday morning in his father's Stickney home, then died a few hours later in a Berwyn hospital, police said.The boy's father, Thomas Paine, can't say where the gun was when his son found it, said Dan Proft, a Chicago publicist retained by a lawyer for the Thomas family. "He's retracing his steps in an effort to figure that out," Proft said.
...
Meanwhile Friday, a gun-safety program funded by the federal government and organized by a gun industry trade organization, announced that free gunlocks were going to be distributed nationwide to the public soon. A statement from Project ChildSafe said an announcement would be made Tuesday at the Stickney police station...

The local CBS affiliate also reported Stickney Police Deputy Chief Carl Jozefik has said that "No improprieties" had been found in connection with the gun or the father's firearm ownership identification card.

”Stickney does not require handgun owners to register their guns with the town, but advises all gun owners to use gun locks,” said Stickney Police Cmdr. Gary Dunow.

”No gun lock was found in the home,” Stickney Police Sgt. John Sladetz said.


So what do they have in common?

Flip the elements around and see how they read then:

As a matter of public safety, gun locks – the most tepid and very least intrusive gun control there is -- become mandatory. You become criminally liable if you don’t use one. Your name will go in the paper, even if the weapon was never actually fired. In fact it’s so important that cops will devote their incredibly scarce resources to staging undercover sting operations just to make sure-sure that gun owners know they’re serious about children not dying.

OTOH, ”While prostitution is not illegal in our town, we advise all potential johns to use gun locks. Sorry, what I meant to say was ‘condoms.’” becomes police SOP.

Culture of Life my ass.



** (Disclaimer: driftglass would like the stunning Ms. Rosario Dawson to know that he in no way implies any connection between her and the field of professional sex worker, but meant simply that any straight man with a pulse would merrily crawl through an acre of white hot broken glass, concertina wire and peeved weasles to sit next to her on the bus. In fact, if Ms. Dawson wishes further elaboration, driftglass would be very, very happy to cover this matter with her in much greater detail over drinks, anywhere, anytime.)