Teevee Crackpot Calls For Joining Him

to "end this destructive conflict"



and "bring order to the Galaxy".

(h/t ShitMyDarthSays)

A random sampling of my tweets from today's Mormonburg Rally, with some after-market improvements added to better serve You The Customer:

• Glenn Beck: The Pod Piper.

• Beck now going for the Castro Record for godawful, incoherent, rambling crap punctuated with random quotes.

• What does America do with its mistakes? It gives them jobs on Fox teevee.

• Glenn Beck wants to put giants into your children?

• Thinking about using my last $$ enroll in Grifter School. The money is great and you literally don't need to know shit.

• Glenn Beck filibusters so you don't have to.

• Sacrifice! Sacrifice! Ba'al demands a sacrifice!

• Glenn Beck: Not a fearmonger. He's an icemonger. Just like Jesus!

• Glenn Beck says God caused 9/11. No, seriously. That's what he just said.

• I think Beck just urged his Beckolytes to turn off Fox News.

• Quit looking to other people to get you to the moon! Pick up your stick!

• Today we celebrate the day when Giant Pilgrims...landed on the moon?

• And God said "I shall send you a man with a schtick".

• This is rivaling Nixon's resignation speech for random, rambly incoherence. My dad was a lemon farmer who picked up his stick and went to Mars, bitches!
  

• This is like watching HAL getting its memory cards pulled. Puking out random syllables. Daisy...Jesus..Give me your ans..er...doooo.

• Vietnam...trees...freedom...giants...why?...dirty water...for us to reflect...and a bunch of guys.

• Glenn Beck: When I was 18 yo, I used to buy weed on this very spot!

• So the Washington Monument is made of...mood ring stuff? Look at it! Look! It is angry!

• Shorter Beck: Quit reading history, kids. It'll only make you mad.

• "In a world..." (Video) Glad to see Miguel Ferrer is still getting Voice Over work.

• (After camera finds lone black man in crowd) CSPAN finally tracks Juan Williams down.

• We lost our manufacturing base because...we were sinful? Want those Maytag jobs back? Pray harder!

• Next up, Pussy Galore and her team are supposed to gas the crowd, after which Beck will steal all their gold.

• "We're all born knowing the truth"? So all you need to know is how to shit yourself and cry? Teabagging finally explained!

• "...which is why Mr. Hunstman unstintingly supports stem cell research."? Say it! Say it!

• "Hello Sodom! City by the bay!"

• "Glenn Beck is one of the Confederacy's most trusted and honored citizens."

• "Winners Never Cheat", now with forward by George W. Bush.

• Shorter Whitestock: Random verb+random verb+random adjective +Jesus! Rinse and repeat.

• This reads like Glenn Beck's copy-and-paste book report on a whole lotta shit he never read. Goodness is...Good!

• So Far, GoldLine "medals" for Baseball, Jesus and War. Next up, the GoldLine "medal" for Excellence in Apple Pieing.

• Tony (LaRussa) didn't know about this fine organization until he read the check.

• Where have all the truthies gone? Long time passing. Where have all the truthies gone? Gone to buy some gold...

• Three women stood out in the ministry, just like the Women of Glenn Beck. Clotho, Lachesis and Atropos?

• ...And I'd like to thank GoldLine for the "medals".

• What the fucking is a "Navy Sill"?

• It terribly sad that GWB's lies screwed up that nice lady's family.

• Shorter Whitestock: First, everybody came to America and got along great. Then, the 16th Cent happened. Then Jesus wrote the Constitution.

• Thus ends the today's national gathering of the Stick Picker Uppers.

• Onward Xian Stick Picker Uppers...Marching as to where?

• Shorter Whitestock :"Oh, well, of course, everything looks bad if you remember it." Homer J. Simpson

• I feel like I've eaten three pounds of Silly Putty.

• Kept waiting for Trashcan Man to show up dragging a nuke.