Mad Santa than Ann Coulter.
“Also if you have to sit on his lap, his junk is less, uh, prominent and intrusive than hers, and his breathe smells less like month-old dead puppies marinaded in acetone and Sudafed, and more like a stinkfooty pair of support hose full of flopsweat and raw Cambodian whiskey.”
Thus reads my entry in “The Second Annual Say Something Nice About Bill O'Reilly Contest” from this site…
Let's face it: Bill O'Reilly has had a terrible year. He's been humiliated twice by Letterman, his party got trounced during the elections, and his stance on Iraq is looking more and more out of touch. Surely there are other people besides ourselves who feel sorry for the guy. Surely someone can say something nice about Mr O'Reilly. Anyone? Anyone at all? The winning entry will receive a Reservoir Dogs video game.
…
Which, I might add, is one whole video game more than what the Weblog or Koufax people bait their hooks with.
Or as Imaginary Nadine says, “First comes love and friendship. Then sincere and thoughtful appreciation. Then airsplittingly fine sex that makes you want to run up the stairway to Heaven two steps at a time and storm the gates of Paradise just so you can say 'Thank You, God!' face-to-face. Then cash, and other useful things to keep the belly warm and the wolf from the door.
Everything else is masturbatory egoboo.”
He's in his 60's and will be dead in about ten years or less?
ReplyDeleteHe has the capacity to sometimes learn from his mistakes. For instance, he now knows the difference between a falafel and a loofa.
ReplyDeleteFor the 2nd consecutive year, he has not beaten any baby seals with a shovel (that we know of)
ReplyDeleteHis splotchy face hasn't gotten that much worse, sorta.
ReplyDeleteAs far as I know, he didn't murder a baby this year...
ReplyDeleteHe only kicked three puppies this year?
ReplyDeleteThe nicest thing I can say about Bill O'Rielly is that he never directly supported Al Queda, at least I don't believe he ever sent them money out of his own pocket...in fact I'm pretty sure he has the same reaction to all causes for good or evil.
ReplyDeleteI can't believe Sesame street hasn't tried to recruit this guy for they're show, He is so good at make-believe!!!
ReplyDeleteIf you've been naughty expect a visit from Fox News Security.
ReplyDeleteConcrete video analysis shows that, at least in the literal sense, his head hasn't gotten any bigger.
ReplyDeleteHe uses only the softest and most pliable loufas on his interns.
ReplyDeleteI've tried, I've really tried.
ReplyDeleteI just can't find the words.
C'mon, respect to the man!
ReplyDeleteAfter getting his ass kicked on Letterman, he had the guts to go on again and have his ass handed to him again!
Okay, not much grey matter between the ears, but guts! Which, as Colbert has pointed out, is where these people make their decisions...
Bill is a sex pervert. Yet he is the cultural warrior.
ReplyDeleteHe is keeping us safe from the SP's. What bullshit hypocrisy.
Yet he seems to be getting away with it while earning millions!
You gotta give him props for that.
oh, wait....I've got it...
ReplyDeletehe's slightly less repugnant than Sean Hannity & Brit Hume combined.
His blood clots when he bleeds?
ReplyDeleteHe's not a flip-flopper. In fact, he has never learned from his or anyone else's mistakes.
ReplyDeleteI don't agree with everything that Bill does or says... I do however like the way he makes you contemplate issues and perhaps take a stand. He also provides interesting words from the English language that aren't heard on a daily basis.
ReplyDeleteThere is a significant stastical probablility that Bill O'Reilly does NOT dress up in women's undergarments and prance in front of a full length mirror, whispering sultrily "Dirty Girl, Dirrrty Girl..."
ReplyDeleteIt's about 0.01%, but being fair and balanced I'll give him the benefit of the doubt.
The adult diaper industry thanks him for his patronage.
ReplyDeleteSeveral plusses for B.O.
ReplyDelete1. Bill O'Reilly has not (as far as I know, and that isn't much when it comes to Bill O'Reilly) sexually harassed a secretary THIS YEAR, not after the billion dollar payment he had to make to prevent the law suit a few years ago.
2. He apparently isn't dead yet and so he could conceivably do a 180-degree turn around and become a respectable human being some day, no matter how much of a longshot that would be.
3. He hasn't raped anyone that we know of.
4. He hasn't killed anyone that we know of.
5. He lies MUCH OF THE TIME, so he's not deceiving anyone really.
6. Every word out of his mouth, if not a lie, is absolutely total Boll Sheet, so we likewise know that he's not deceiving anyone. If all the liars were as bad at lying as Bill O'Reilly is, there would simply be no further incentives for liars to lie.
He is inspirational!
ReplyDeleteFor example, he inspired Olbermann's "Here, kitty, kitty, kitty!"
I think it's been nice of him to drive his own ratings down.
ReplyDeleteHe doesn't sweat much for a fat girl.
ReplyDeleteHe is the spirit of christmas past.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure Bill O would be a great addition to my Bally's Saturday afternoon pick-up basketball game. I mean, what is he, 6'4"? I would pick him for my team and just post him low on the weak side. If anyone drove the weak side lane Bill's sole job would be to scream "SP!" as the blew by him...........at this point in the organized league, I would welcome ANY weak-side help.
ReplyDeleteBill O'Reilly...is a mammal.
ReplyDeleteHe is "thinspiration" for bulimics everywhere! Who needs a finger down the throat, when Bill O' does the trick for me every time?
ReplyDeleteHe didn't try to impregnate Jeremy Glick with a cupcake.
ReplyDeleteI would only want to play the Resevoir Dogs video game if O'Reilly plays the part of officer Nash.
ReplyDeleteHe seemed to genuinely care about his brain-damaged brother while they were locked up together.
ReplyDeleteNo, wait, that was O'Reilly from the HBO show "Oz" I'm thinking of. Nevermind.
Bill O'Reilly? Um, most the women he sexually harrasses don't sue him. How's that?
--WKW
His tears cure cancer. Unfortunately he never cries. Wait, that's Chuck Norris. I'll get back to ya.
ReplyDeleteHe has the prettiest eyelashes you'll ever see on a man. They're simply lovely.
ReplyDeleteMr. O'Reilly has a very nice smile.
ReplyDeleteThat's it, it's the nicest thing I can say.
In comparison, he make you feel quite intelligent and well read. Make you feel that Mom & Dad were right telling you to study hard, do your homework... short-cuts never will compare to do the work yourself...all those parental maxims.
ReplyDeleteI THINK HE'S GREAT. HE GETS ALL THE LIBERAL ASSES IN AN UPROAR.
ReplyDeleteO'Rielly smells better than his santorum slathered loofa.
ReplyDeleteIf his stomach was on fire i would not walk across the street to piss down his neck
ReplyDeleteBut at least he would have the curtsey to be on the other side of the street
he is tall
ReplyDeleteHe's got opposable thumbs and he almost certainly knows how to use them!
ReplyDeleteOf all the whore chasing sexual predators in the GOP O'Reilly has the best ratings.
ReplyDeleteOf all the whore chasing sexual predators in the GOP, O'Reilly has the best ratings.
ReplyDeleteHe doesn't shed.
ReplyDeleteAt least he's not a twin.
ReplyDeletewhen you change the channel, he disappears!
ReplyDeleteHis jowls jiggle, and although not merrily like those of Santa Claus or even a bowl full of jelly, but more like a tarnished platter piled with watery aspic stuccoed with a skin of rancid cottage cheese, they do jiggle.
ReplyDeleteThe foul stench of his gum diseased breath cannot be detected by his slack-jawed TV audience or his telephone sex harrassment victims . . . so he's got that goin' for him!
ReplyDeleteHe would make about 160 lbs of really good fertilizer for my backyard.
ReplyDeleteOh shit.
ReplyDeleteGuests.
Guess I shoulda hidden the hooka and gotten rid of the goat.
Ah well, that ship has sailed.
So...Welcome C&Lers!
He never shot and killed anyone in Iraq.
ReplyDeleteAs far as we know he never called anyone Macaca.
His fact-free, self--congratulatory bloviating is the inspiration for perhaps the best program on television today, The Colbert Report. I'm actually half serious about this. If having O'Reilly on the air is the price we must pay for Steven Colbert, perhaps it's worth it. After all, no one is FORCING us to watch the son-of-a-bitch.
ReplyDeleteHe is consistent. We may always expect him to be a jerk, etc.
ReplyDeleteHe made falfels coll again...
ReplyDeleteHe doesn't live here, Australia!
ReplyDeleteHe is driving the country towards liberalism by setting such a horrible example for the conservative ideology.
ReplyDeleteHe lacks Sean Hannity's I'm-so-self-satisfied-with-my-incontinence look. And softer, more feminine features than Ann Coulter or Michelle Malkin
ReplyDeleteAtleast he is bio-degradeable.
ReplyDeleteHe has won more "Worst Person Awards" on Olbermann than anyone else!
ReplyDeleteShouldn't that count for something?
Bill O'Reilly...
Today's "Worst, Person, in THE WORLD!"
He has a solid view on alternative energy sources and his charisma is through the roof.
ReplyDeleteWhat, we weren't supposed to actually say something nice? Eh, too late.
He's helped me lose weight. I have stopped eating falafel cause of him.
ReplyDeleteBill has organs and when they get harvested, the recipient will never kow where thay came from.
ReplyDeleteoops... They. (see last post...)
ReplyDeleteMade you remember the childhood phrase "looks like he was in a fork fight and everyone had a fork but him".....
ReplyDeleteBill understands that it would be inappropriate to conduct his TV show wearing nothing but Speedos. And he just doesn't do it.
ReplyDeletehe helped term the new sexual act "the culture warrior"...its like a dirty sanchez, only instead of a moustache, you put "liver spots" all over the recipients face
ReplyDeleteMama always told me if you can't say nothin' nice, don't say nothin' at all.
ReplyDelete...
Bill O'Reilly is still more informative & entertaining than being slowly garroted.
ReplyDeletemerry holidays! woohoooo!
ReplyDeletehe converts air to c02 very efficiently.
ReplyDeleteHe could be the poster boy for why abortions should be legal.
ReplyDeleteRush Limbaugh is not really his twin, so it's not incest when they get together.
ReplyDeleteHe's not Dick Cheney or George Bush.
ReplyDeleteHe's not Dick Cheney or George Bush.
ReplyDeleteHe speaks truthfully when talking about a war on Christmas...I have been aware of it for twenty five years or more. But, alas, he didn't have the courage to name the culprits, instead he invented, or most likely, had invented for him, a phoney villain called the "secular progressives". He knows, as we all do, that the real villains are not secular. But because Bill's boss, Rupert Murdock, belongs to this group, Bill, being a true coward, cannot give the group it's rightful name...Jews
ReplyDeleteBill is tall. I hear that is a good thing. Happy Holidays
ReplyDeleteHe is incredibly loyal: for example, can anyone here dispute the fact that he has not given his vibrator a new name since that whole Mackris incident? Right... I didn't think so!
ReplyDeleteHe doesn't have the Football.
ReplyDeleteHe didn't run over his girlfriend with his car, nor did he shoot his friend in the face.
ReplyDeleteHe isn't Dick Cheney or George W. Bush
ReplyDeleteHe's still employed!?!
ReplyDeleteAfter all the crap has been raked through the grass, he's still got a job(s).
That's gotta be a plus for him.
he made it through another year without anyone finding out about the evenings he spends on the working end of michelle malkin's big black leather strap on.
ReplyDeletebravo, bill!
He's not smart, but he sure is tall!
ReplyDeleteBill O'Reilly looks better than Rush Limbaugh.
ReplyDeleteHere's something nice about Bill:
ReplyDeleteHe's the best anti-Constitutional, Bill-of-Rights hater, pasty white-guy with a bad haircut I've ever known.
Makes good Gitmo viewing for those incarcerated.
ReplyDeleteHmmm... this is tough. Oh, okay, try these:
ReplyDeleteHe clearly isn't subject to stage fright. You'd think that somebody who so often sounds like an idiot on national television would.
He attracts anonymous sympathetic mouthbreathers to comment sections like this one, so that we may be amused by their lack of verbal skills and persistent delusion that hitting the "Caps Lock" key makes up for that lack.
He is a peaceful man, having never killed a man in combat under color of service.
He opposed the OJ book "If I Did It". It just might be the first thing he was spot on about.
ReplyDeleteBill is a wonderful gift! He always lets me know the right thing to do and the right way to think. I know with 100% certainty that if I think and do the exact opposite of what he says I will be right.
ReplyDeleteYou know what's great about Bill? The Faux News crew didn't have to widen the doors of their offices to fit Bill's skull in the way they had to for Sean Hannity. Bill merely has the brain of a chimp, whill Sean has a dome like a gorilla.
ReplyDeleteYay, Bill!!
Anonymous at 6:52 p.m. wins the "Biggest Stretch and Leap of Logic to Get An Anti-Semetic Comment in a Slam Bill O'Reilly Blog" award.
ReplyDeleteCongrats, you win a copy of the Leuchter Report.
--WKW
Here is something nice about O'Reilly, he didn't call up any MALE interns and start sexually harassing them while using a vibrator to pleasure himself. Oh man what a chilling image that just passed through my head as I wrote that. Damn this contest to causing that not so sweet lullaby to pass through my head.
ReplyDeletehe yielded 100 comments :-)
ReplyDeleteHe exhales Carbon Dioxide which also plants to live.
ReplyDeleteWait a minute, because he doesn't shut up, he has contributed to the holes in the ozone layer.
That's the best I can do.
Mexchewy.
Change from "also" to "allows". Opps, sorry.
ReplyDeleteMexchewy
He doesn't sweat much for a fat girl.
ReplyDelete