Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Once Upon A Time I Had This Spamcatcher...

This is my Spamcatcher Mark II. It is an imperfect beast but I have grown attached to it.


For years I kept this thing as a semi-permanent post at the top of my blog.  I'd fiddle with the posting date every few weeks to trick it into appearing as lead post, and in return it acted as my faithful minesweeper/linebacker, keeping the rest of place mostly clear of spam.

Every few months I'd clean it out because the volume of impacted robot advertising stool would start to affect the the rate at which the blog loaded.

Things change.  I hoisted this version out of my draft folder to recycle for this post (and left all 248 of the original "comments" intact for your amusement.)

Tucked away in some backup file I have  a copy of several 1000-spam-long core samples showing what an absolute feculent avalanche it was.  I even decided to kill a weekend in April of 2006 and have some kicks doing what apparently no one had ever done before -- methodically drilling all the way to the very bottom of the spam food chain:


I was amused and impressed and unsurprised at how globe-spanning and profitable the business of trying to sell you dog stairs and penis creams really was.  Thoroughly Gibsonesque.

Maybe someday I'll hand those files off to some grad student researching the history of web-based advertising in early 21st century.

Maybe someday I'll just start posting them in slabs and see what that does to my Google profile.

Probably quintuple my traffic :-)


.  

102 comments:

driftglass said...

Had to pitch the last one. The sheer volume of impacted spam fecal matter in the comment section was preventing Blogger from recompile my site correctly

I saved the Comments offline because I just know there's a Jay McInerney-style laundry-list po-mo novel buried in there somewhere waiting to have any vestige of plot or narrative chiseled away to reveal a Pure Dark Heart of Commerce.

So I've got that going for me.

Anyway, it also means I may have been the one who bloggered Blogger for the past several months.

So Fear Me. And so forth.

Anonymous said...

I was shocked to see "1 comment" up here on the ole spamcatcher. And I'm really surprised to see the comment made by you, sir, and not another goddamn spammer already leaving his mark.
Good luck with the novel.

skunqesh said...

SnnNNNNIIFFF...

mmm!

I love that new spamcatcher smell.

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Anonymous said...

You said Jay McInerney, I heard Jerry McNerney.

I've donated to , keep fighting until all the dirtbags are dispatched!

Anonymous said...



Damn tags. Hope this fixes it.

driftglass said...

and so it begins, again...

Anonymous said...

I dunno - the idea of spammers breathing hot tub chemicals has a certain appeal.

skunqesh said...

wow (lol!), B-schmuck has got to be one of the funnier spambots to have thus arrived. Something about it reminds me of...

Natasha Fatale: Boris, is Moose you said you killed in previous episode?

Boris Badenov: Look, it's his show. If he wants to be hard to kill, let him.

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I see you have some nice information about cold sore treatment and Cold Sore Remedies. But I thought your visitors might be want to learn how to treat cold sores the easy way with Cold Sore Remedies.

KEvron said...

does anyone know where i can get some swimming pool chemicals?

KEvron

Miss Cellania said...

I hear that if you don't have the right hot tub chemicals, you can get a cold sore.

driftglass said...

I hear that if you don't have the right hot tub chemicals, you can get a cold sore.

Also prevents moose bites.

Which are painful.

Phil said...

Damn, I feel priveledged to get into the famous SpamCatcher so early!No less than the likes of Miss Celenia!Keep hammerin' on the bastards Drifty, we love it.

Bustednuckles

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spencer said...

You know, I must be really out of the loop, because I can't name a single famous swimming pool guy . . .

Anonymous said...

I had to drop this little gem into the spambank - It's Pulp Fiction: The Fuckin Short Version. keep the sound down if at work or kiddies are present.

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-skunqesh

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Since the Spambank pays such great dividends, here's another stinky 'deposit'. It's in Canadian currency, though. And absolutely not visually work safe, much less the audio, but still one of the funniest things things I've come across yet. Cred were it's due to Virgina @ http://www.ilovekarlrove.com/

(Although I can see this equally being the conversation around the Cheneybunker, I'd like to dedicate this one specially to Tom Haggard, that SonuvaGun Preacher Man)

The Wet Spots "Do You Take It?"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FSVlZdVv7oM

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They breed.

Up here, at night.

They breed, and fight, and kill each other.

And only the strongest survive Darwin's fierce regime.

To rule the Spamiverse.

And breed again.

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gert said...

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Graham Chapman's Eulogy, c.1989

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fsHk9WC7fnQ

Life's a Laff, and Death's the final Joke.

Cheers!

Anonymous said...

Manifest Destiny dictates a white-man's prophecy - White-man's world, white-man's Apocolypse

Austrian Sigmund Freud is known as the father of psychoanalysis, yet people have (mental) health problems because of their disfavor, illustrating the preditory purpose of this discipline, this individual.
These people.
Of course Hitler was Austrian. Glock, maker of the semi-automatic gun favored by black street gangs such as the Bloods and the Crips, is Austrian.
RedBull Energy drink, Buwdeiser both Austrian.

The Holocaust was foreshadowing, yet another example of the Jews sacrificing to help the disfavored::::
1. 1492 exodus from Spain. Spain became evil - financed Columbus, initiated missionaries, USA (dumping ground of disfavored victimized by god), etc.
2. Spread throughout Europe as clue to Christians worshipping a false god.
3. "Quasi-Holocaust claim" contradicting boss.
4. 5. 6. 7. etc. etc. etc.
The Apocalypse (or an Apocalyptic event) will be initiated by an Austrian. When the national referendum to allow foreign-born individuals to run for president is introduced I recommend you DEFY and vote NO!! In the years prior to this vote the gods will send POWERFUL clues suggesting the IMPORTANCE OF DEFIANCE.

It will be the Koreans (instead of Nazis). There won't even be any invasion:::They gods will scapegoat them telepathically::::
Black people like the ones who terrorized Korean businesses during the 1992 riots in California will be executed. I have personal reinforcing evidence:::::
This time the holocaust will be black.
Don't be suprised if reparations are dispersed shortly after the black holocaust, capturing those whom escaped their wrath.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Italy's boot is a clue showing the god's intent with the Romans AND their active involvement::The gods micromanaged the Eutruscans into the role of Romans.
Oshkosh is a clue just as Lake Michigan and Green Bay are clues. It is the ejaculate clue:::Life springs forth from this region.
Expect your traditional Second Coming of Christ to come from the region. Consistant with the possibility of matrilinial lineage it may be the mother's family from the Lake Winnebago area fulfilling some "Manifest Destiny" bullshit theater::::You see Manifest Destiny all around you (corporate).
Manifest Destiny dictates a white-man's prophecy:::::White-man's world, white-man's Apocolypse.

This isn’t about reals and clones. This is about the brains and the brain-less:::The brain-less are people whose families have been OUT FOR GENERATIONS, families lucky enough to avoid this disturbing age and its accompanying abuses. ALL of them got out back when they were peasants, even the royal families and Pharrohs, and the gods used these tools to create this stratigic history here on Earth:::There is no such thing as Earthly-management. Also the gods replace strategic individuals frequently as a managerial tactic.
This is the key which unlocks the god’s puzzle.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Simpsons offered many clues to the disfavored, not the least of which ARE the frequent references to "pack/mob mentality".

ANYTIME you feel "peaked", experience craving or ANY thought disturbance where you want or like something irrationally (ex:::Halloween, Harley Davidson (theme:::Halloween colors), Dale Earnhardt) IT IS THEM TRYING TO HURT YOU!!!!!! "Magic" is used EXCLUSIVELY to hurt the disfavor:::The fuel of disfunction::::::addiction, homosexuality, crack babies.
In times past when gods felt more generous they employed their powers to help the disfavored (geographical clues, Moses's miracles), but as time went on the gods only used their power to HURT the disfavored (1906, boss, disturbing use of "magic").
There are subtle (sub)conscious tactics they can employ with the computer to make you think as if you are cooperating when they really are pushing you into your offense.

People were pushed into having gay experiences because their parents were sell-out whores.
People were pushed into being sell-out whores because their parents sold their blood line down the river in the early 20th century.
People were pushed into selling their blood line down the river because they didn’t pray.
Man hasn’t prayed to god for thousands of years but we have to pay in this manner because we have the unenviable distinction of living in this day and age, this heightened standard justified with the 20th century life of comfort such as indoor plumbing, refidgeration, canned foods.
The gods pushed people into being gay then murdered them with AIDS.

Women are the favored gender:::Those who understand what it means to be a woman are already halfway there.
The purpose of the masculinization of women of the last 40 years was to pave the way (justification) for The End, for it collectively brought mankind's favor down.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

HOW TO PRAY:::1. I'm sorry for what I've done wrong. 2. I don't want to sccumb to temptation and make any more mistakes. 3. I want to fix my problems. 4. Please don't hurt me.

We will ALL be held to the responsibilities entrusted to us, no matter what temptations contradict this.

If you don't do the right thing you're going to do the wrong thing, and the right thing to do is to ACTIVELY fix your problems and pursue the favor of the gods.
The gods imparted wisdom in the Bible to help teach people the right way to live:::Tempation will be used to test you. You have to be willing to tell them "No." If you "think right" you may envoke their mercy.
You will never get off Planet Earth unless you are "thinking right", so you should focus on it.
If you're not working hard to fix your problems, if you don't creatively work to get the hell off Earth then you will be consumed by it, by the reverse positioning-institutions they instilled as temptations::::popular culture, democracy, materialism.

I have put forth indisputable evidence, as you see above with the Jews. The gods will never admit any of it is true, ever. YOU HAVE TO DEFY!!!! They will lie to you up until bitter end::::This tactic will ensure they claim a HUGE percentage of the disfavored, for so many refuse to defy and this will ensure they don't go.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

My best adivce to you all would be understand what I say is true then WITHDRAW, not only from this plethora of detail (for updating the disfavored is one way to distract AND you should never be so arrogant to think you are entitled to understand the god's behavior) but also from this cancerous culture. Pursue the truth that you just learned and work hard to repair your relationship with the gods. Understand how these corrupt institutions (democracy, materialism/greed, education) affect your life and save what clues they will offer you for when you REALLY need them. Be very attentive and gracious, for you are counting on their generosity.
If you are good and decent and respectable you won't want to hear about all this. If you do desire to hear more take it as a clue, for it is a symptom::::They are peaking you euphorically, and this "magic" is used to hurt the disfavored.
Understand how the corrupted INSTITUTIONS affect your life and make the appropriate changes. For example, they use democracy to justify instructing the computer to create a sense of empowerment. If you recognize this you are better able to overcome the damaging effects.
The gods will want to know who I helped and how they are doing. If people begin with my teachings they will be on a list that the gods will PERSONALLY look in on. The numbers of people who pursue the path immediatley after I illustrate it will be very small due to their minimization tactics, and they will be members of an elite group.
Remember::The gods only use their powers to hurt the disfavored, and everything involved in this Situation are all good examples. Please let me remind you the Jews sacrificed, illustrating to people that boss wasn't going to happen, showing the world that all these popular culture elements associated with the Situaiton were the gods employing their powers to prey on the disfavored keping them captivated for over 30 years now.

--------------------------------------------------------------

1. Corporate sourcing violently punished::::
They suggest the whole "sourcing" era, where it is positioned that their brain-less clones obtained product from China and other Asian countries for the lowest possible price, will be punished violently if the gods elect to employ the "Asian invasion" script::::
One of the reasons it was so important to get out before 1980 (important to get out before the end of each 20-year war-revelry cycle - 1960, 1980, 2000, 2020, etc).

2. Deception of Southern rednecks to blame for Republican control:::::
Republicans, party of preditory disfavored, keep guns available. Easy gun availablility is an "open door" for the gods, a tool used to prey on the disfavored.
Republicans, party of preditory disfavored, gave you the distraction that was the Clinton impeachment theater 1998.
Republican loyalty is why noone cares that rednecks are set up for the slaughter.
Democrats good. Liberalism evil.

Kosher is a favor bestowed upon the Jews. The South eats LOTS of pork and there is an oyster bar on every corner:::::It's like liquor stores in the ghetto.
The gods have quite a sophisticated taste for irony:::::The Jew takes boss by calling in the Quasi-Holocaust claim.

The gods got rid of the retarded woman who lived across the street, prior to the fall of 2006 so their handiwork wouldn't stare them in the face while there was so much attention.
The gods took similar evansive manuvers w/ bi-racial so they could continue using this open door to victimize the disfavored.

American space tourist returned after 13 days in space::::"The first thing he noticed about Earth was the smell."
They don't want people coming back or watching. They WILL do things like this:::The intent is to prevent people from returning (favorite expeiences) or watching proceedings on Earth (following and complaining about their family/the Second Coming of Christ and subsequent Apocalypse, which has been HIGHLY anticipated for centuries).
Many of these families are in trouble, and disregard for their descendants causes them to fall further into disfavor.
This is merely one piece of evidence proving my Situation had to fail:::It would have commanded much attention from the other planets. Now I exposed the Second Coming of Christ in the most undramatic of ways, and since this is end of 20-year war-revelry cycle distraction theater targetting the "bottom of the barrel" these families teetering on the fence won't watch.
Won't complain about their descendants.
And it is win-win for the gods, for they manufactured a scapegoat and now it is all my fault.

Understand not only how things REALLY are, the gods actively manage Earth with their brain-less clones, but also realize their positioning, for it will help you interpret their clues. For example::::"Manifest Destiny dictates a white-man's prophecy - White-man's world, white-man's Apocolypse" is very real and we see it around us every day. It is not isolated here in the United States:::"westernization" has infested the entire world. This is a clue, and how the book of Revelations reads is what IS going to happen.

Bill Clinton wasn't impeached because he lied.
Bill Clinton wasn't impeached because he was orally copulated.
Bill Clinton was impeached because it was 1998.
It was end of 20-year war-revelry cycle distraction theater, of which there are MANY examples::: Brought to you by the party of the preditory disfavored, the Republican party.


Apex of irony in the Situaiton:::Jew calls in Quasi-Holocaust claim and takes boss, re-igniting the flames of anti-Semitism among blacks in the crucial years before the black holocaust.


Be attentive to the clues, for they are subtle (like the Simpson clues). Many can be found interwoven in this Situation, clues that illustrate the gods punish evil even if asked to do the deed.



Your goal is to fix yoru problems with the gods and get off Planet Earth BEFORE you get married so you can raise your children in a happy, healthy enviornment.



Yes, they WOULD beem a brain into a brain-less clone prior to a CAT scan:::
1. Had Hurricane Ivan DESTROY Grand Cayman (1999 vacation) and slice up through the middle of Alabama a mere six months after I was there.
2. Had Hurricane Wilma move up through the Carribean and park on Cozumel (2002 vacation) for TWO FULL DAYS
3. Used Oakland A's to send a clue (dynasty, win only in crisis, chokers), and to deliver the desired message they inflicted the Loma Prieta Earthquake of 1989.
4. Dog food poisoning 2007
5. E-coli spinish issue of 2006
6. Obviously, they love to be malicious and vindictive.
6. Hawaiian earthquake after Hawaiian jewelry store.
7. Hawaiian flooding 2006
8. Local flooding 2006, including Devil's Slide
9. Lake effect snow event of 2007 because I enjoyed the humor behind it
10. I often expressed I enjoy the dynamics/news coverage of hurricanes…
11. Six within the last year. There were a whole lot more little ones in the years preceeding.
12.
13.
14.
Or, more appropriately::::
111.
112.
113.
114.
And finally::::
115. The gods alter the script for the Apocalypse because I sprawled their plan all over the internet.
The whole thing was to enhance boss.
They position this like the role players were here to help me, "save me from myself", when in reality using these brain-less clones ensured the most minimal of effect.

The Jews showed you boss wasn't going to happen with the Quasi-Holocaust claim. They will emphisize to the bitter end that there is no pattern of Jewish clues.
Because there is still one clue outstanding, those most important clue:::::World War II's Holocaust.

They will lie to the disfavored until the Apocalypse for it will ensure a supermajority of them die, relying on this relationship until the bitter end, likely positioning this to the disfavored by using me to continue this boss theater.

driftglass said...

WWIV will apparently be Conspiracy scribbling idiots vs. Porn Spam.

I believe the survivors will envy the dead.

Anonymous said...

Fred Thompson's Wife...

Anonymous said...

Long ago, in a hybrid galaxay far far too close in parallel to the epic battle between progressives and conservatives...


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=leEsz9ci5XE

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driftglass said...

yes. sorta.

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