Thursday, November 03, 2016

The Protocols for a "Cubs World Series Parade"...


...were hidden on the back of the United States Constitution in 1789 by Colonel John Brown of Pittsfield, MA.*

Now, Chicago City Council has just 24 hours to find them...

Or perhaps, centuries ago, a psychohistorian named Hari "Caray" Seldon predicted very this moment.


Tomorrow at noon, in the secret vault beneath that fake "Al Capone" vault, Seldon will manifest himself to put these events into perspective and explain how to carry off a successful Cubs World Series Parade...

Or they could, y'know, just do it this way:
City releases details on Friday's Cubs World Series parade

The parade honoring the World Series champion Chicago Cubs will start at 10 a.m. Friday at Wrigley Field before ending with a noon rally in Grant Park, the city and team announced Thursday.

The team will leave the ballpark at 10 a.m. and work its way south toward downtown, but city officials did not release the entire route.

Instead, the city is asking fans to view the parade at three locations: Addison Street from Sheffield to Pine Grove; North Michigan Avenue from Oak to Ohio streets; and Columbus Drive between Monroe Street and Balbo Avenue. Those are the three parts of the parade where the vehicles carrying the team will proceed slowly at "parade speed," according to Shannon Breymaier, a city spokeswoman...
*Thanks for the catch.

5 comments:

RUKidding said...

IOW guess. My work colleagues are trying to figure it out. Stay tuned to see if yours truly witnesses this parade. I can report that there's been a very brisk trade in Chicago Cubs World Series 2016 Campions T shirts & ball caps starting bright & early this morning. Rust never sleeps.

Mike Lumish said...

(Pssst! That's "Pittsfield," at the old base-ball field where the Athenaeum now stands.)

Jimbo said...

Also Col. John Brown of Pittsfield, MA died in battle in 1780 during the Revolutionary War (unless this is some Chicago joke I'm not getting).

RUKidding said...

Giant parade. Watched some on tv. Streets packed. Cubbies are #1!

Strider said...

But he told Sam Harris he knows the true meaning of conservatism. After all, he wrote a book about it! It was all but ignored by conservatives, but still...