Saturday, February 06, 2016

At the #GOPdebate

Here are my tweets from tonight's Republican debate:
Wow.  Christie tossing sand into the gears of the Marco-bot right off the bat.

This is bad.   Rubio responds to Christie's charge that he is a windup toy incapable of anything except repeating memorized 25 word repeating the same 25 word memorized answer.

Rubio: answer...questions in...that...area.

Ted Cruz -- the neighbor who poisons puppies and then smirkingly lectures everyone on the block about why they had it coming.

And now we're going to let Conservative bloggers ask questions.  Wheee!

Cruz comes out against Medicare.  Wheeee!

Carson:  We'll give people some money and let them fight it out for health care Thunderdome-style.

Bush comes out against limousines.

Trump:  I feed on your hatred.  Nourish me bitches!

Breaking:  Suddenly the GOP cares about old people.  Well, one old person.  Baby steps Jeb(!)

Rubio:  There are no problems that can be solved by paying to fix them.

Cruz: I will lure ISIS out into the open so that we can bomb them by bombing them until they come into the open.

Cruz: Carpet bombing doesn't mean carpet bombing.  I won't just kill ISIS but super-duper-deathstroke-Ras-Al-Ghul kill them.

Rubio:  I'm banking that none of the meatheads in this audience remembers anything that happened before 2009.

Trump:  I will use the US air force to eminent domain the shit out of Iraq and turn a tidy profit in the process.

Carson:  I've been talking about Libya for over 1000 years.  Well, muttering angrily about it on the subway, but still.

Cruz:  Waterboarding is not torture (sound of a table flipping over from Bill Kristol's sudden, giant Neocon war boner.)

Rubio:  The idea that there are "rules" or "conventions" when it comes to making war is just some ridiculous shit the Kenyan Usurper made up.

I've seen this episode before.  After this round, the music swells and The Virgin Mary Hamm awards one candidate a rose.

Bush:  Flint Michigans for everybody!

Rubio:  Benghaaaaaaaaaazi.  Right, Carly.  Carly?  Carly?  Anybody seen Carly?

Trump:  I will repeal and replace black people.

Bizarro Rubio: Sure there are some good Christians, but we have to take apocalyptic Christians extremist groups seriously.

Rubio: The Air Force was founded in 1947, but Obama will leave it smaller than it was in 1916.

Bush:  Don't worry, Martha.  As a member of the Bush family I assure you, we will continue to avoid the draft at any cost.

Conservative Blogger Mary Katherine Hamm:  Liberal media liars lie because they're lying liars.  How can we explain that dumb millennials?

Rubio:  Hillary Clinton grinds baby's bones to bake her bread.  Her bread!  Wake up sheeple!

Bush:  I'm so pro-life I used a woman in a persistent vegetative state as a political human shield.

Christie:  I don't care what the "facts" say, Planned Hillaryhood harvests baby parts for money.  The X-Files is real people!

Rubio:  New Hampshire!  City by the bay!

Carson:  I'd like to thank Balki, Mr. Roper, Scooby and Scrappy Doo, and all the Disney cows who have told me their secrets.

Cruz:  I love the American people so much that every single person they have elected to federal office hates my living guts

Kasich:  Holy crap, I'm still alive!  Bwahahahaha!
Tonight, the part Private Deadmeat who stands up at the end of the movie "'cause there ain't no sniper Sarge!" and takes one right to the melon was played by Marco Rubio.


Paul Wartenberg said...

Let’s dispel once and for all with this fiction...

Let’s dispel once and for all with this fiction...

Let’s dispel once and for all with this fiction...

Let’s dispel once and for all with this fiction...

Daisy... Daisy... give me your answer... do...

Your Humble Narrator said...

Marco's debate coach:

Unknown said...

Flint Michigan? "crickets"

Climate Change "crickets"

Ha ha! Tricked ya. No one never asked either.

Torture? (opera chorus) "WE LOVE TOR-TURE! WE LOVE TOR-TURE!"

At least the Trumpy hair guy called out Cruzy (U instead of A) for his Segretti sauce in the closer.

God DAMN. You can't make this shit up. I will never get those brain cells back.

Robt said...

What about Benghazi ???????????

No privatize Social Security?

What about tax breaks for the people outside of Flint?

Where is the support for the Bundy Gang?

Why won't they ban the imaginary Liberal media?

What about the poll of republicans that shows they will for in high numbers for a Muslim and Zero for an atheist?

Who would you punish first on day one of your presidency?

Didn't watch this one. Just thankful I can get caught up to snuff on it.
Thanks for the detailed summary.........

Batocchio said...

Good stuff.

By the way, Cruz cited John Yoo's made-up definition of torture rather than long-standing laws.

Mister Roboto said...

Yeah, if Rubio is the Great White Hope of the establishment Republicans, "den dey ain't got much to hope for, do dey"?

Kathleen O'Neill said...

I never watch any debates, but CW has it that Rubio "lost" (however the hell "lost" could be defined for a meeting of psychopaths trading jibes and evil ideas). There will be much wailing and gnashing of teeth on Toddfest and the opinion pages of the Times where Brooks will haz great sadzzzz.

Anyone want to start a pool on what Brooks will blame for Rubio's performance? Poors having sex? Blah people just because morals argle bargle?

I comment, you decide.

Robt said...


On the Question. I accept you challenge and predict.

Brooks could possibly wander into another tear stream over how all of this turmoil could be set as cement shoes on the Atheist liberals snatched God out of the school buildings and truck stops.
How the same appeal Rubio, Christie or Jeb! has should have been reflected in the Iowa evangelical vote. A vote great Hillary satan and the hound of hell's Sanders cast liberal plagues unto these voters who succumbed to the might evil hypnotism. Causing their vote for the Cruz.
How ObamaCare was utilized as a dirty political trick as it filled prescription eye glasses wrongly to cause blurred visions when voting.

How it was when his conservative God ruled and assimilated more efficiently a conservative base that was easier controlled.

He may even coin the phrase , "insider/ outsider both sides do it".
If he can survive the drunken stupor of remorse.

Yet, my first impulse is that Brooks can avoid writing of it by misdirection of something completely "other than". Something whimsical whining to distract for time to pull the curtain back.

I am not even a novice of predicting Brooks' malaisse "WTF" scribbles. just saying for the insurance coverage of reckless predicting.

Go Ben Carson..............!

Doggie Daddy said...

Your saw a much funnier piece of performance art than I did.

And what did happen to iCarly (and do we really care)?

Robt said...

But Carly represents the fiscal responsible Business CEO wing of the party. That will crunch the numbers, find out where the dollars are. Figure out how to extract those dollars. Provide herself with a bailout bonus on the way out.

She is very adept at this and could absolutely do the same for America as she did for Compaq and HP.
We need her. Her eye vision is better than any human alive. She can see things Obama or any other Librul are blind to. As the "keeping the baby alive long enough to harvest its beating heart .
She is a seer with a vision that sets her above the Rodeo Clowns, Circus Elephant poop scoopers and closer to God minions.

I just couldn't resist...........

Ed Cooper said...

Sorry, psychopaths are capable of redeeming qualities.
sociopaths are what we saw tonite.

Ed Cooper said...

NO,if I never see or hear from Snarly again, it will be too soon.

Kevin Holsinger said...

Good morning, Mr. Glass.

So we ARE getting a Rubio the Robot, Forbidden Planet photoshop of some kind, yes?

Be seeing you.