Friday, June 05, 2015

You Can Ride The But-That's-Just-Not-Fucking-True Fact-Go-Round


with Conservatives until the end of time.



In a conversation which will invariably end with them wearing you down with the sheer force of their Mighty Stupid, or running away, or scampering down the nearest "Both Siderist" spider hole having learned absolutely nothing.


It's your right.  It's a free country.

But eventually, most sane people start to realize that they're wasting their time trying to argue pod bay doors with HAL. That sadly, these are just meatbag reflex puppets who will never stop being loudly and proudly fucked-in-the head wrong because they like the feeling of being loud and proud and don't really care about the fucked-in-the-head wrong part.

Because Freedumb.

I'd say Conservatives really are stupid enough to jump off a bridge if Rush Limbaugh tells them to, but really, what is the history of Conservatism for the last 25 year if not Right giddily defenestrating itself over and over and over again and learning absolutely nothing because some flag-swaddled con man told them to?

Because Freedumb.

10 comments:

Neo Tuxedo said...

they like being the feeling of being loud and proud and don't really care about the fucked-in-the-head wrong part.

They can't care until they know, and they can't know until something shatters the Republicult denial field. Until then, you can explain reality to them until you're an entire fucking rainbow in the face, but all they'll hear is something like this:

"Hi, my name is [insert your name here] and I am a card-carrying Communist. My turn-ons include bread lines, Five-Year Plans, and ratting my neighbors out to the KGB so I can get their stuff given to me by the Politburo. My hobbies include punishing success, rewarding failure, hating the good for being the good, fluoridating water, and anything else that advances the cause of the International Communist Conspiracy and my master the Antichrist. Hail Satan! Hail Satan's son Karl Marx! Hail Karl Marx's sons Franklin Roosevelt, Bill Clinton and Barack Hussein Obama! Now where can I go to get some Kentucky Fried Fetus in this town?"

I'm exaggerating, of course. For one thing, as I think I've said before, I live in Chambersburg, Pennsyltucky, and I can tell you from bitter experience, reading their letters in Public Opinion and the Hagerstown, MD Herald-Mail, that their actual beliefs are nowhere near that nuanced or that coherent.

Unknown said...

There was that brief glimmer of hope on election night 2012 when the entire right wing, all the way up to the highest levels of their presidential campaign, was aghast to be on the receiving end of a totally unexpected electoral beatdown, despite the overwhelming majority of polls telling them to expect just such an outcome. At long last, might they consider crawling out of their bubble of alternate (non) reality and rejoin the sentient out here in reality town?

For a day or two after that, there was just a bit of chatter that maybe they needed to at least occasionally breathe in the cold air of reality and, say, pass immigration reform, if only as a survival tactic.

Then they said "nah, fuck that" and went back into their comfortable bubble, added a fresh layer of tin foil to the outside, and turned the hate radio/Fox back up to 11.

Oh well.

Ivory Bill Woodpecker said...

Does the ride have this sign posted before one reaches the entrance, just out of the frame?

"ATTENTION: Your hood has to be this tall to ride the Fact-Go-Round."

bowtiejack said...

Neo Tuxedo

I was visiting some friends near Leesburg, VA last year and noticed the same thing in the local papers there. Among other things, they were very concerned about a possible Black Panther takeover of the Loudon County elections ("my great-great-great grandfather didn't serve as a commissary general for the Confederacy to allow this to happen") and the ever growing movement to criminalize Christianity. It was sort of like being in a Twilight Zone episode where the town paper is The Onion.

Ivory Bill Woodpecker said...

BTJack probably knows this already, but when the Pharisaic--er, Christian--Right talks about "criminalizing Christianity", the CR means denying the CR the right to behave barbarically, on grounds of a literal interpretation of the Book of Leviticus and other such retrograde passages of Scripture, not denying people the right to behave in the ways which that DFH Jesus Christ actually taught.

Victor said...

IBW: A person with Photoshop skills could maybe turn an old sign into your idea up there. hint hint DG

And if our host won't, I certainly will. I could use the diversion.

bluicebank said...

Based on no science whatsoever, I predict that the Right-wing House of Lying Cards will experience a cascading failure when the load-bearing Fox News suffers an unexpected fracture.

The cause will be unexpected, since nothing else seems to compromise the propaganda behemoth. It could be a spilled cup of coffee at the right place and time, sending a small but expanding shudder throughout the machine, producing microfractures at first. Or it might take something more radical, like switching the Kool Aid with Folgers Crystals.

Kathleen O'Neill said...

@bluicebank

I keep hoping for that Patricia Neal Face in The Crowd moment when she leaves Lonesome Rhodes' mic open at the end of his TV show.

Lit3Bolt said...

Cleek said it best...

"What conservatives want is the opposite of whatever liberals want. Updated daily."

Most of all, they act as Russians peasants of yore, determined to bear their measly lot in life with God's help, just as long as they KNOW a liberal or a liberal supporter is out there, suffering. They want blacks to SUFFER. They want women to SUFFER. They want city dwellers to SUFFER.

The primary conservative emotion is spite. In Spite's holy name, they will do anything, including suffering themselves and killing themselves, as long as they know it upsets a liberal, somewhere.

Ivory Bill Woodpecker said...

Slight correction:

Spite is the primary emotion for non-elite conservatives. Thomas Frank and the Waco Kid have them pegged.

The primary emotions for elite conservatives are the obvious ones: greed and simian lust for dominance.