Wednesday, February 19, 2014

I've Seen The Future, Brother

It is murder.

Now that Hillary Clinton has swept all Democratic caucuses and primaries, crushed all opposition and her candidacy is all but assured, it's time for the GOP to dust off their 1994 edition of "Textbook of Ballistics and Punditry, Chapter 7, The Clintons, Part 4, Technological and Ideological Constraints" and get back to doing exactly what they were doing in the 90s...and what they have been doing on horsey doses of Winstrol and Deca-Durabolin since January 20, 2009.

And so, ladies and gentlemen, without further ado, Kathleen Willey!


Wrong film canister.

Ladies and gentlemen...Kathleen Willey!

Honestly, I would love the opportunity to actually, for-real publicly litigate the 1990s -- all of it -- in a giant game of Compare and Contrast and Political Tetanus Vaccination in which drain the still-gangrenous wounds of the 1990s by match every act of bullshit conspiracy mongering over which Republicans raved themselves stupid shouting "Traitor!" and "Impeach!" during 1990s (via Wonkette) -- 
As Media Matters details, Willey is not exactly the most credible source in the world. Her biggest claim to fame is that she accused Bill Clinton of groping her in 1993 — a charge that was investigated by Independent Counsel Robert Ray and found not to be credible. And if it was the only thing she ever accused Clinton of, that by itself seems at least completely probable. But we’d be a lot more inclined to be sympathetic if Willey hadn’t piled on all the other weirdness that came later.
Among other things, Willey is pretty sure that the Clintons had her husband murdered in 1993, exactly like they murdered Vince Foster...
...against every act of actual criminal incompetence, corruption, fiscal ruination and outright treason which Republicans wholeheartedly supported and defended as unalloyed patriotism during the Bush Administration.

Then, once the 90s has been properly exorcised and buried, we can play another round in which we Compare and Contrast the language of the "How Dare You Question A President During Wartime You Cheese-Eating Surrender Monkey Traitor!" Republicans under Bush with the "Impeach The Kenyan Usurper Because...Freedumb!" language of those exact same Republicans (now sporting jaunty hats and calling themselves Tea Party Patriots and swearing they've never even heard of George Bush) starting January 20, 2009.

I'd fucking love for that to happen, but it won't.

Instead we'll get leftovers.  Again.  Retreads of the same old lies slung by the same old grifters abetted by the same old "Both Sider" douchbags.  Again.  And this will go on and on until We The People make the grifters and frauds and bigots and imbeciles fear for their professional lives every time they open their mouths to lie to us again.


Horace Boothroyd III said...

I remember the nineties (and thanks a lot for reminding me, friend driftglass, why don't you just kick me in the ovaries) as a time when I was just doing my stuff and minding my own business when the Republicans unleashed a molasses tank of dirty tricks and toxic lies that flipped me into a screaming leftie who hated everything Gooper.

A big moment that cemented my new attitude was the perjury trap they set for the President, with that whole stupid "what is the meaning of 'is'" business and the utterly corrupt conflation of the political charge "Bill lied to me!" with the legal charge "He committed perjury!" Like you I am a stickler for intellectual honesty, so anything any Republican says ever again will be viewed with the greatest suspicion.

So twenty years later we have Wyden laying a perjury trap for Clapper, asking questions that he can neither answer nor not answer in public without breaking a whole raft of important laws. Clapper, wisely, gave the answer which inflicted the least damage on the nation. For his pains, the bedwetters have tried to crucify him. "You can't trust anyone in Washington," they squeal as they clutch their pearls and faint, "Clapper is a PERJURER! He LIED to CONGRESS!"

Congratulations, hysterical ninnies of, you have sunk precisely to the level of Ken Starr and the panty sniffers. The perjury trap was a dishonest mountain of bullshit twenty years ago, and it remains a dishonest mountain of bullshit today.

And thanks heaps for using your feverish enthusiasms to suck the oxygen from any other important discussion that we might have been having these past eight months. The long term unemployed and oppressed minorities appreciate all the help.

CM said...

**So twenty years later we have Wyden laying a perjury trap for Clapper, asking questions that he can neither answer nor not answer in public without breaking a whole raft of important laws. **

What laws would have been broken had he refused to answer the question?

blader said...

I think Obama was elected mostly because he was still wearing diapers, politically, in the 90's. A complete unknown.

This had the effect of catching the rage machine by surprise in 2008, and they were still off balance by 2012.

In 2013, they finally realized his problem wasn't obamacare, or socialism, or even his muslimness. No, they finally realized his root problem was his negrodacticity, and all of the incompetencies and disqualifications associated thereof.

But it was too late.

Still, you can bet they won't make that mistake ever again. Even with one of their own, like that wacky army general from Florida, or that truck stop pizza mogul, Cain.

Similarly, they are fortified by experience to never allow a Clinton mistake to happen ever again.

Therefore, one's expectations for political depravity should be at an all time high. Because the only thing worse than a negro is a Clinton.

Pinkybum said...

@Horace - Are you saying Clapper could not have plead the 5th - really? How much time would he have served? I call bullshit.