Friday, August 31, 2012

The Gingrich Rules, Ctd

Remain in effect.

Regular readers will already be familiar with the Gingrich Rules to the point of tedium:

In the game of professional punditry there also clearly exists a special set of rules designed with one person on mind.  Or, rather, one sort of person: Conservatism's parade of bomb-throwing, hate-mongering, race-baiting bottom feeders.  That breed which makes their daily bread from grifting the Pig People by generating an endless flood of books, magazine articles, broadcasts, speeches and videos all telling the GOP base over and over again that their bigotries are noble and their paranoia is patriotic. 
Of course, part of the downside of wallowing in the wingnut sewer and trafficking in slander and lies is that, sooner or later, you become a toxic mess.  Your stink becomes unacceptable to the general public, which s where the Sunday morning talk shows -- the Mouse Circus -- comes in.   Because despite having long ago devolved into a sinkhole of Beltway centrist twaddle, it is still viewed by altogether too many people as a bastion of Very Serious people -- it's the strip-mall of political opinion where casual shoppers go to feel smart and validated.

And so a bargain is struck; the bottom feeders deliver a temporary hike in the only thing these show's owners really care about -- audience share -- and, in exchange for being teevee friendly and keeping the worst of their batshit crazy on a leash for a few minutes, their Mouse Circus deburrs the bottom feeders' public image, replates and burnishes their credibility and temporarily transfuses them with Seriousness, which can then be redeemed at ten times its face value back among the Pig People.

And in the key to that bargain we find "The Gingrich Rules":


an agreement that the moderator will never, ever ask the bomb-throwing, hate-mongering, race-baiting goon sitting directly across from them a single question about their bomb-throwing, hate-mongering or race-baiting activities.  Instead they will be represented to the public merely as a Conservative commentator or talk radio host or pundit who, at worst, might be known for some "controversial" opinions, which the moderator will never bother to explicate. 

This week -- once again in fulfillment of prophecy -- the Definer Of Civilization's Rules And Leader (Perhaps) Of The Civilizing Forces) will slither back out of the sewer to join such first order thinkers as (oh my crap-shooting Jesus) Tom Friedman and Carly Fiorina on David Gregory's Sunday Morning freakshow.

I don't know how many dead hookers one would have to have helped David Gregory bury to pile up the kind of Villager Clout Points necessary to buy a lying grifter like Gingrich a permanent, all-access, Beltway Wonka Golden Ticket, but I'm guessing that it is a value not usually found in nature outside of the secret numbers Willard Romney's army of demon accountants use to conjure away his United States federal tax burden.

If you run into Mr. Gregory, ask him from me how he can live with himself, because that one just beats the Hell out of me.


RockDots said...

"the strip-mall of political opinion where casual shoppers go to feel smart and validated"

Bee-you-tea-ful! I want to call up @BetsyMTP and read the whole thing to her over the phone.

n1ck said...

Brilliant as always.

I'll probably steal the line about bigotry being noble and paranoia being patriotic. I'll also keep plugging your blog in the mainstream blog comment sections, because it's obscene that you aren't being paid very well for this stuff.

So, thanks again, since you do it for free.

Michia said...

I recently discovered this blog and now come for my regular dose of clever rudeness. Those around me are getting used to being read choice bits ;-)

Jerome R. said...

"I think we agree, the past is over." George W. Bush

I am reminded of the film The Killing Fields, in which the Cambodian journalist Dith Pran was sent to Pol Pot's "re-education camp." The person lecturing the group said the biggest problem they faced was "memory sickness", their inability to forget what their life was like under the previous regime. They didn't realize they had to forget the past and live in the "Year Zero."

From "It's Morning in America" under Reagan to the rewriting of history at the recent RNC, the Democratic People's Republic of Conservatism keeps trying to cure us of "memory sickness", but you and BlueGal remind us that it is their attempts to liberate us from reality that are the real sickness, for which your blog posts and podcasts are, in my mind, one of the most potent cures out there.