Sunday, April 24, 2005

Little Red State Fundy sez...


Whatever will we tell the children? Posted by Hello


One day we will have to explain to the children what happened when Thurston Howell III lost his right mind and decided that for the sake of some tax cuts to make him incrementally more comfortable, his very bestest buddies in the whole, wide world were the Ultra Right Wing Gorgons down in Jesusland.

May I suggest the following?
The Story of Little Red State Fundy

Little Red State Fundy found a grain of hate.

"Who will help me plant the hate?" she asked.

"Not I," said the Moderate Republicans.

"Not I," said the Undecideds.

"Not I," said the Libertarians.

"Then I will," said Little Red State Fundy.

So she buried the hate in the bloody ground of the Old Confederacy. After a while it grew up paranoid and ignorant and violent.

"The hate is ripe now," said Little Red State Fundy. "Who will do the mass mailings and preach bigotry from the Pulpit?"

"Not I," said the Moderate Republicans.

"Not I," said the Undecideds.

"Not I," said the Libertarians.

"Then I will," said Little Red State Fundy.

So she licked envelopes until her bill was cracked and dry and stood up into the House of God and crowed to her flocks in their millions that God Loved Them for hating and killing creatures who were not like them.

Then she asked, "Who will help me focus this hatred politically?"

"Not I," said the Moderate Republicans.

"Not I," said the Undecideds.

"Not I," said the Libertarians.

"Then I will," said Little Red State Fundy.

So she made databases and phone banks, and walked door-to-door with petitions that talked of Gods Great Hatred of Gays, and Gods Great Hatred of Judges that did not worship the Hate God in exactly the way the Little Red State Fundy told them to.

Then she carried the hate to steps of the Congress and the White House.

"Who will make a mandate from this hate?" she asked.

"Not I," said the Moderate Republicans.

"Not I," said the Undecideds.

"Not I," said the Libertarians.

"Then I will," said Little Red State Fundy.

So she got on the phone with her very good friend Karl Rove and with his help organized carpools to the polls, and get-out-the-vote drives, anti-gay marriage amendments and smear campaigns. For Jesus.

And Little Red State Fundy delivered the margin of victory and was featured in many, many magazines: without Little Red State Fundy, the Republican Party could never, ever, ever win anything.

And now everybody knew it.

Then she said, "Now who shall help me Rule the Earth."

"We will!" said Moderate Republicans, Undecideds, and Libertarians.

"I am quite sure you would," said Little Red State Fundy, "but see, now you are all my bitches."

Then she called Randall Terry and Tom DeLay and Ann Coulter and Jerry Falwell and Rush Limbaugh and James Dobson, and they and the rest of the Shining Path Republicans used what was left of the Constitution as ass-floss.
And judges were terrorized into silence.
And those deemed ungodly were beaten in the streets.
And they invaded whoever the fuck they felt like, for whatever fucking reason they chose.
And the very idea of a Free and Fair press died.

And to people who had been very clear all along that they genuinely believed in a Theocratic Nanny State and thought that precipitating Armageddon and triggering the Second Coming should be the highest calling of any worldly government, were handed over the police, courts, government, treasury and nuclear weapons stockpiles of the United States of America.

And in the end -- just as they had been warned for the past twenty years -- there was nothing whatsoever left at all for Moderate Republicans, Undecideds, and Libertarians.

29 comments:

Anonymous said...

Drift, you are a fucking treasure...

Doubloons and emeralds, spilling out of the Nuestra Senora de Chicago...

I go now to email henny-penny to some people.

Anonymous said...

I was having a dialogue with a self-proclaimed moderate on dKos eaarlier, and i sent him here. But if he missed this gem, I'll have to send him back.....

Send this to Al Franken and get yo' ass on Air America.

Anonymous said...

Last words of the last Libertarian on the scaffold:

"Well, at least they did all the fucking liberals first."

dreaminginthedeepsouth said...

DG-Your Sunday Sermon is a good medium for your talents, and for this most compelling subject matter. A. Coulter's enshrinement by Time mag, the elevation of hacks like Brooks to the NYT op ed page -- all to put a de-fanged de-clawed and supposedly neutered, friendly , cleaned up mask on HATE. God rarely shows up in the expected way, and neither does the "we will bury you" crowd. "But we go to Sunday School" is supposed to be the "get out of jail free" card for all of our big-time haters. Virtue, and reverence are implied by "church" -- but church nowadays can be the hiding place of some very unsavory characters. Although I am a "believer" my friends who are avowed aetheists demonstrate the traditional "Christian" virtues in a much greater abundance than our very public "Christians". It behooves us to question ALL the labels. Nothing is as it seems. Hang in there with your fantastic blog. I suspect that you have a lot to offer those of us out wandering in the wilderness.

dreaminginthedeepsouth said...

P.S. I always loved your comments on SteveGilliard's blog --- I think that Samuel Delaney's collection of short stories, "Driftglass" , is one of the best ever, and even though I last read it, oh, about 25 years ago, the images and characters are still vivid in my mind. Thus, the association is one that is complimentary to you.

Anonymous said...

Brilliant, driftglass, You are definitely ready for prime time.

--(Honey Glazed) Res Ipsa Loquitor

driftglass said...

Thanks to you, one and all. Sitting here tied wet-sheet-style to the bed in the padded room, typing it out with my toes, sometimes its hard to gauge.
Gotta go: nurse is coming ;-)

idyllopus said...

Man, huge applause.

Agi said...

Mad props to you. That was excellent work.

"I am quite sure you would," said Little Red State Fundy, "but see, now you are all my bitches."

The only hope to stop them is for "the bitches" to rise up. In other words we need a civil war among Republicans. But they've all drank the kool-aid, so it appears that there is little hope.

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